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Archive for the ‘My Daily Life’ Category

kiowahome

I haven’t written in about 6 weeks. It has been a crazy, busy time and still is. I am tired. Life has a way of changing and we have to change with it or we will go crazy. I am trying to find peace in these changes. I am trying to trust God with my future. I will write more about that in my next post, but for now I will catch you up on the last 6 weeks.

Early May was not a great time for me emotionally or mentally. I went through what Mother Teresa called a dark night of the soul. I felt disconnected from God and quite frankly, my mind! I did nothing but cry and I felt like I was going crazy. I was in a dark place and at one horrible moment broke down in front of my daughter and said that I just wanted to kill myself. Would I really? No. I hope I would never get to where I really considered it. But, I understand how the mind can go to a place that dark and you have no control over it. I forced myself to maintain my daily Bible reading and my prayer life. Sometimes those prayers were simply, “God, help me.” I’ve been praying a lot of those lately. God answered that prayer through a Facebook post. It was an article on how Satan attacks the mind to keep us from God and our God given purpose. WOW! I now knew how to fight back and I changed my prayers into rebuking Satan and letting him know that he would not get my mind!!! I feel better. I am still emotionally and mentally tired. God is asking me to trust Him like never before with my future and I feel overwhelmed. But, more of that later.

My daughter Cree was married on May 27th. Cree is 20 and going into her Junior year majoring in Elementary Education. She is so young. I pray that they will put Jesus in the center of their marriage and future family and that they will live out love and grace. The wedding was beautiful. She was beautiful. Cree married Antony, a 22 year old Mechanical Engineering Major from Egypt. God bless this marriage.

Another event was Kiowa getting to come home from Japan for the wedding. Kiowa is my 22 year old Airman. She has been stationed in Japan since April of 2016. We had not seen her in 14 months. She was here for 3 wonderful weeks and has now returned to Japan for another 9 1/2 months and then possibly moving on to S. Korea. It was so great to have her home. I am glad that she was able to be a part of her sisters wedding. My kids have always been close. I think they always will be.

God still speaks to me through every day events. He lets me know that He is always near. Even in the darkest moments, he has not left us. He has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us and that’s a promise I am holding Him to. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I do know that I will continue to hold fast to my God and my loving Savior Jesus.

 

 

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Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I am a Martha. I worry and get upset about many things and these things keep me from sitting at the feet of Jesus. I am a perfectionist. If everything is not perfect, I give up and start over. I can’t even count how many times I have started over in my attempt to read the Bible through in a year. The busyness of life would get in the way and I would give up. There is always a reason not to spend more time with Jesus, but in all reality, nothing else matters but that time sitting at the Master’s feet.

When our time comes to an end, everything else will pass away and the only thing that will matter is the time we spend with Jesus. I want to be a Mary. I want to be able to let everything else go and simply focus on my relationship with my Savior. I want to be able to let go of the busyness, the distractions, the worries and the fears and simply be able to abide in Jesus. I want to be one with Jesus. To let everything else slip away and simply BE with my Jesus.

How? How do I become a Mary in this world of chaos and distractions? It takes prioritizing our time. What can we give up in order to put Jesus first in our lives? For me technology is a big distraction that takes up too much of my time. I need to let go of my need to sit in front of my laptop and spend that time abiding with Christ.

What can you give up in order to spend more time with Jesus? What do you need to do in order to be a Mary in a Martha world? How can you make Jesus the #1 priority in your life?

 

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ty-and-ava

 

 

large-4-wheeler

 

Matthew 21:22

And all things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive.

Psalm 91:11-12

11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

 

I am blessed and am praising God for protecting my 15 year old son, Ty. Ty (pictured above) was on a 4 wheeler about the size of the one pictured above Saturday, when the 4 wheeler flipped as they were going down a steep hill. Ty was thrown clear of the 4 wheeler. I am sure that had it landed on him, it would have killed him. Ty is not a very big guy and could have been killed. He scraped his leg up a bit and it is sore, but I thank God for answering the prayers of this mom and sending His angels to keep Ty from being pinned under the weight of that machine.

I am here to tell you not to give up on praying for your kids. Whatever the situation, God can and will protect your children. Never stop believing. Never stop praying. Our kids walk into situations everyday where God may intervene without our knowing it. We can’t be with them 24/7, especially when they grow up, but God is with them always. This is not the only situation where God has protected one of my kids. I trust Him to take care of my kids. I hope you do too. God is the only one who can protect them always. I, for one, am a very grateful mama!

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Kiowasiouxburris

 

I watched her disappear down the boarding ramp. My heart ached. As the tears streamed down my face, I couldn’t help but remember when she was 2 and stuffed worms in her coat pockets. I found them when I did the laundry, all shriveled up. She still has the crack in her tooth from a stunt she tried on her bike when she was 10. Always the dare-devil, she would ride her bike down the porch steps, nearly giving me a heart attack. She ran her first half-marathon when she was 14 and finished in the top 4 percent. When she was 17, she defended a classmate who was being bullied at school. A week before her 18th birthday, she ran her first marathon. She finished just 8 minutes shy of qualifying for the Boston Marathon. I shouldn’t have been surprised when this courageous, risk-taking, defender of justice announced that she was joining the Air Force. She had served four years of JR ROTC in high school, but had always sworn up and down that she would NEVER join the military!

Yet, there I was, my heart pounding with a mixture of pride and fear. I gave her a farewell hug, whispering, “Stay strong and trust God.” As I watch her plane take off, taking her to a far away land, I whisper the same words to my own heart, “Stay strong and trust God.”

Easier said than done. How can I trust God to protect this daughter of mine? How can I trust Him to keep her safe from harm? Matthew 10:30 tells us that God has numbered the very hairs on our head. I love my daughter with all of my heart and soul, but I have not numbered the hairs on her head. How much more must He love her, to have every hair on her head numbered? As much as I love her, He loves her so much more.

Do I still worry? I would be lying if I said I didn’t. These are troubling times. I think some worry lurks in the heart of every military mom. I remind myself that I serve a God that is in control of ALL circumstances. Nothing happens on this earth that He doesn’t know about. I pray for her safety, as she does her job as an electrician. I pray that God will keep her out of harm’s way, here and abroad. I pray that God will continue to give her courage as she serves this beautiful country that we call the United States of America. When the worry creeps in, or missing her becomes to much for me to handle, I feel the whispering of the Holy Spirit in my own heart, telling me to, “stay strong and trust God.”

 

 

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courage

 

1 Corinthians 7:7-9

I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Contrary to popular belief some people are called to be single. Not everyone has a soul mate and not everyone is meant to be married. Paul said that being single is a gift for some, just as being married is a gift for others.

I firmly believe that I am one of those who has been called to be single. I have accepted the gift of singleness and I am content in that role. I was married for 7 1/2 years and I don’t regret it. Out of that marriage came the 5 blessings of my life. My ex and I were not meant to be, and I am okay with that. He has been married to a wonderful woman for a few years now and I have been happily single for 16 years. I don’t believe that there is someone for everyone. I believe that my someone is God. For a few years after my divorce, I thought that something was wrong with me because I could not find that “special someone.” God transformed my heart and I realized that God is my “special someone” and I am content serving and living for God and God alone. Other than an emotional connection I had with someone right after my divorce, I have not been in a relationship with anyone since my divorce. I made a choice about 10 or so years ago that I would remain celibate. There are friends and loved ones that would love to fix me up or who think that I need to find someone. They all mean well, but honestly, I don’t want a relationship to distract me from what’s important. I know that there are people out there who can not understand the choice that I have made. They don’t need to understand. Serving and glorifying God is the most important thing and I am more than willing to remain celibate for the rest of my life, if that is God’s will for me.

I am glad that I am not one of those people who chases around after “Mr. or Mrs. Right.” That takes so much energy and it is a huge distraction from the most important thing, serving God. No offense to those who feel that they need someone to make their life complete. No offense to those who feel called to marriage. We are all different and each has, his or her, own God-given gifts.

I choose celibacy. I choose to remain single. Never let anyone make you feel ashamed for doing what you feel is right for you. God has a different path for each one of us. Find the courage to do what is in your heart. Find your voice. Live your life. Do what God is calling you to do and trust Him with the outcome.

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waiting for the Lord

 

Exodus 14:13-14

13 Moses answered the people, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. 14 The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”

Psalms 46:10

10 He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations,  I will be exalted in the earth.”

Psalm 37:7

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.

I have always had this tendency to head for the hills as soon as life gets tough. I have always had a hard time with staying put and trusting God to work things out. I have always had a hard time trusting that God would fight for me. I try to control my own destiny when I think things aren’t going the way I think they should. Needless to say, my attempts to control my destiny usually end in disaster. It would be so much easier if I would just listen to God and obey His will for my life. Life gets messy. Sometimes we are surrounded by chaos and despair. Sometimes we are oppressed by our circumstances. That is life in a fallen world. How do we fight that urge to run when life gets tough?

  1. Pray– Pray that God will reveal what it is He wants you to do in your situation. Pray for patience and courage. Pray for deliverance. Prayer keeps us connected to God’s heart, which is essential when we are dealing with a difficult situation. Pour out your heart to God on a daily basis. Our heavenly Father is listening and He cares about what you are going through.
  2. Serve– Find a way to serve in your community while you wait for God to act. Serving in any capacity is a way to minister to someone else who may be dealing with their own difficulties. Instead of wallowing in our troubles, helping to alleviate the stress in someone else’s life will often bring us hope in our own lives.
  3. Community– Build a support system. Find other people who are going through a similar situation. Often times, simply knowing that we aren’t alone in our circumstances gives us comfort.
  4. Grow– Many times, God keeps us in the fire to teach us something we need to learn in order to move on in His will. Take this time to figure out what it is that God wants you to learn. Make the choice to grow despite the trials of life.

I know first hand how hard it is to sit and wait for God to act. We want things done NOW! Waiting for God can be painful. Trusting Him can be hard. Surrendering my life to Him has been the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I still struggle to control circumstances in my life. I still find myself looking for greener pastures. I am learning to grow in my own messy circumstances. I am learning to serve from my own chaos. I am learning to find community in the midst of my despair. I am learning to pray and trust God to work in my life as He sees fit. I am learning to be still and let God fight for me. As I grow from my circumstances, I will keep you updated here. Through my mess, I am determined to become a willing vessel that God can use, right where I am.

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tired-car

 

Well, I am officially without a car. Someone put oil in where my transmission fluid goes and my transmission locked up on me Monday night. As a single mom, with a full-time job and no car, this is a blow. I can’t afford another car until I get my tax refund. I can’t afford a down payment or a monthly payment on one. I also, don’t like asking for help and having to depend on my 22 year old daughter to drive me to work.

This is definitely a test of faith. I have to trust God to work this out. I feel in a way that He is stripping me of some important things and maybe that is so that I will grow in my dependence on Him and depend less on the people around me. I feel that God is preparing me for an important ministry and He is molding my character to fit this role.

There is something that I want to do. A secret desire that I am praying about. Do I dare speak it aloud? My deepest desire is to be a missionary to single moms. To be able to minister full-time to single moms and to encourage the faith-based community to start more ministries for single moms. So, this loss of my car seems to be a test in faith. Do I trust God to provide for us no matter what? Can I let go of my need to control everything a let God be God? Can I let go of my need to have a “stable” income and trust God to provide what we need? It is scary, but I am so ready for this. I am so ready for God to open up the doors and allow me to minister to single moms where they are. Feeling out of control can be scary, but I guess it is when we feel out of control that we are more able to surrender our lives to a God that is completely in control.

I will continue to pray for a car and for this missionary opportunity. I will of course, keep all of you up to date. God Bless!

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