Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘For Single Moms’ Category

 

Dear Single Mom,

I know how easy it is to feel anger towards or even hate your kid’s father. I know how easy it is to stay in that defensive position of, “Well he did such and such. He deserves every bad thing that happens to him.” I know how easy it is to get stuck in that resentment and bitterness. I’ve been there! I have been eaten up with hatred and bitterness. I had so much rage inside me that I became physical and went after a woman who is now my ex-husband’s wife and my best friend. I’m here to tell you that anger and hatred just eats you up inside. It doesn’t stop the other person from moving on and being happy. It hurts you and in extension, your kids.

Forgiving a wrong is never easy. It may take daily reminders to let go of the negative feelings and forgive the wrong. Heck, it might take hour by hour reminders, but you deserve the peace that comes with letting go. Your kids deserve to have a peace-filled mom who can model forgiveness and grace.

Here’s what the Bible says about forgiveness:

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Matthew 6:14-15

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Ephesians 4:26
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
Psalm 4:4
Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
While we are talking about forgiveness, is there anything you have done to cause someone else hardship or pain? It goes both ways single mom. I challenge you to do some research on your own and see how God feels about un- repented sin. God expects us to ask for forgiveness when we wrong someone else. We need to ask God’s forgiveness and then make things right with the other person when appropriate. If you wrong your child, repent, and ask forgiveness. When we confess our sin and ask forgiveness, we are setting an example of how a Christian should act, in front of our kids. And don’t think for a second that they don’t see your sin. I hate to tell you, friend, they see more than we realize or want to admit.
Real peace comes from the act of forgiving and from making right a wrong that we have done to someone else. Allow your kids to see forgiveness in action and you will be setting an example that they will carry for the rest of their lives.

Read Full Post »

 

 

 

 

Dear Single mom,

Did you know that you are beautiful? YOU ARE! I know that it is hard to feel beautiful when you are exhausted from juggling job, kids, homework, housework, and the to-do list. It is hard to feel beautiful when you are up to your ears in dirty diapers, piles of laundry, a sink full of dishes and the other daily messes that kids of all ages tend to make. But, what you see as the dirt and mess of an overwhelmed mom, God sees as the beauty of a mom who has made the decision to do the hard thing. God sees the beauty of a mom who is there for the long haul and who is not going to quit when the days are long and the kids are sick.

This is what God says about YOU:

Zechariah 2:8

For this is what the Lord Almighty says: “After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye

2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!

Galatians 3:26

So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, 

Romans 8:17

Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Genesis 1:27

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.

Jeremiah 1:5

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

This is not all that God says about you. I encourage you to do your own research to see what else God says about you. You are STRONG! You are WORTHY! You are LOVED!

If you need prayer, a compassionate ear, or an encouraging word, please contact me. I am here for you, single mom! I have been where you are and I am here to walk your journey with you.

Read Full Post »

 

Dear Single Mom,

This has been a crazy year and it isn’t over yet! I know that many of you have lost your jobs due to the Coronavirus and many of you have struggled to balance job and e-learning. As we head into a school year that will be an adjustment period for parents, teachers and students, know that you are NOT alone in your struggle.

Your life has been tough enough already, without the added stress of a pandemic. On a normal day, you balance job, bills, housework, discipline, homework, meals, demands from the ex, and other miscellaneous responsibilities. You are stressed out, depressed, and lacking sleep. I have walked in your shoes, single mom, and I am here to tell you that certain situations may not change, but life can be better!

If I did not have Jesus in my life, I would not be here. I am being real with you. Will having a relationship with Jesus suddenly make the Coronavirus disappear? No. Will you still struggle in some aspects of your single mom journey? More than likely. Life is not perfect. Welcome to a fallen world, where sin and evil lurk, waiting to snatch whatever happiness we have been lucky enough to grasp.

The answer, plain and simple is Jesus! When you have a deep, abiding relationship with Jesus, this is what God promises that you will have in your life:

HOPE

Isaiah 40:31

But those who hope in the Lord, shall renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. 

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the plans I have for you,” Declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”

Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

LOVE

John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whosoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 

1 John 4:9-11

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

Romans 8:37-39

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 John 4:16

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

JOY

Romans 12:12

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Psalm 28:7

The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him.

Nehemiah 8:10

And Nehemiah continued, “Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks, and share gifts of food with people who have nothing prepared. This is a sacred day before our Lord. Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the Lord is your strength!”

PEACE

John 14:27

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Phillipians 4:6-7

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Psalm 4:8

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

REFUGE

Isaiah 54:10

Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 43:2

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

Psalm 91:9-13

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, 10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. 11 For he will command his angels concerning you  to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. 13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

I offer these verses as encouragement in these precarious times. I challenge you to continue the search for other scriptures on the above topics. The verses I listed are in no way exhaustive and much comfort can be found in the pages of the Bible. You may wonder if these promises are really meant for you. In Mark 9:23 Jesus tells us that EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR THE ONE WHO BELIEVES! Have HOPE that you will find JOY and PEACE in the ONE who LOVES you and HE will be your REFUGE!

Read Full Post »

 

Article #3 is up!

In a Facebook post reflecting back over her first year of teaching, my daughter, Cree, made the statement that a flower planted in the right soil blooms, and then she added, “so plant your children in the right soil.” This simple statement made me reflect on raising children as a single mom…click HERE to read the rest of the article.

 

Read Full Post »

 

My second article is up!

The road of single motherhood is paved with a million tears. My kids always tease me because I can cry at the drop of a hat. Sometimes, we would be watching a movie and they would look over at me to see if I was crying. I am a sensitive person, and I feel every harsh word, every criticism, and every cold shoulder intensely. I have often felt that no one understands me…click here to read the rest of the article.

To learn more about The Life Of A Single Mom Ministries, click here.

To connect to The Life Of A Single Mom Ministries Facebook page, connect here.

 

Read Full Post »

 

I have been blessed with the honor of being a 2020 featured expert for The Life Of A Single Mom Ministries. This is an international ministry that has served 406,000 single moms in the last decade through Single Mom University, Conferences, and other programs, as well as, reaching out to churches that want to start a single mom support ministry in their community. Founder, Jennifer Maggio, is THE leading expert on single moms and how children who are raised by a single mom are impacted. Jennifer leads the way in educating and empowering single moms and Jennifer leads the way in empowering churches to start support ministries that bring the love of Jesus to single moms and their children.

I was honored when I was asked to be a 2020 featured expert. I had thought of being on the featured expert panel, but never dared to dream of actually making it. I never believed I was good enough. But, in doubting myself, I doubt God’s power in me and through me. Every word I write is God breathed. I am simply the pen in the Author’s hand.

Being a single mom is the hardest job that I have ever had. But what happens when things start falling apart? Click HERE to read the rest of the article.

To read more about Jennifer Maggio and The Life Of A Single Mom Ministries, click HERE.

To connect to TLSM Facebook page, click HERE.

 

Read Full Post »

 

 

Look Up Child By Lauren Daigle

Where are You now
When darkness seems to win?
Where are You now
When the world is crumbling?

Oh I, I-I-I, I hear You say
I hear You say
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Where are You now (where are You?)
When all I feel is doubt?
Oh, where are You now
When I can’t figure it out?
Oh I, I-I-I, I hear You say
I hear You say
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Look up
You’re not threatened by the war
You’re not shaken by the storm
I know You’re in control
Even in our suffering
Even when it can’t be seen
I know You’re in control
Oh I, I-I-I, I hear You say
I hear You say
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
I LOVE this song by Lauren Daigle! It is that windows down, sing at the top of my lungs kind of song. The kind of song that reminds you that no matter what life is throwing at you right now, LOOK UP! God is still on His throne and He is still in control.
I remember the dark days of trying to deal with my own emotional baggage from a failed marriage and still try to take care of five kids without messing them up to much. I remember the pain and anger of lost dreams and living a reality of poverty and struggling alone. I remember the days of doubting myself as a mom and not knowing if I would ever get it right.
I know that you have your own story, your own single mom journey, that you are struggling through. Maybe you are wondering how you will ever get through it.

 

Psalm 121:1-2

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Whatever you are going through today, LOOK UP CHILD! Lift your eyes unto the hills! Your help comes from the Lord and if He made the heavens and the earth, He can certainly help you in your situation today.

When the world comes against you, LOOK UP CHILD!

When you don’t know how you will pay your bills, LOOK UP CHILD!

When you are facing a custody case and could lose your kids, LOOK UP CHILD!

When you are desperate for answers, LOOK UP CHILD!

You are NOT alone in your struggle single mom! Let me know if I can pray for you or walk with you through your journey.  You are never alone!

 

 

Read Full Post »

 

I have spent 18 years as a single mom. That is more than twice the amount of time that I was married. There have been good times, as well as, bad times. There have been moments when I felt like I was nailing this single mom thing and then there have been times when I knew without a doubt that my kids would need some serious counseling because of me. My kids aren’t kids any more. They are adults who are growing into their own lives. My youngest, Ty has 11 months until he is 18. It is a bitter sweet moment for me. I’m not going to lie, I have had moments when I wished my kid’s childhoods away. Times when I thought that life would be so much easier if they were all grown up. Have I done enough to get them through the challenges that they will face in life? I hope so. I tried. I have always made them my priority. Amid the failures, God has blessed me by being ever present in this single parent journey. I wanted to mark this bittersweet moment by reflecting on the lessons that I have learned as a single mom.

  1. I Have Learned How To Pray – Through the ups, downs, tears, tantrums (not just from the kids!), joys, sorrows, anger and overwhelming love, God has taught me to pray. Not just the run of the mill prayer list prayers, but deep, heart wrenching, conversational prayers that has drawn me closer to God. I have learned to listen to that soft whisper of the Holy Spirit. Prayer is everything. Prayer is the number one thing that draws us to the heart of God. As a single mom, prayer has truly become my life-line.
  2. I Have Learned To Have Faith – God has shown me many, many times that HE LOVES ME! God has also shown me that HE LOVES MY KIDS! He has answered prayer after prayer (some spoken, some unspoken) and He has provided for us in ways that are truly miracles to me. At times when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, God was there for me. There were many times when I felt God’s presence comforting me, wrapping me in that peace that only God can give us. I will admit that there are times when my faith wavers, but God knows my heart. My faith in God is what keeps me going when I want to give up.
  3. I Have Learned Life Lessons From My Kids – I have learned so many lessons from my kids as they have grown and matured into responsible, compassionate, loving adults. They never cease to amaze me. They have had their bumps, but they always bounce back and as I watch them become adults, I gain wisdom for my own journey. Click HERE to read a series of posts I wrote on lessons I have learned from my kids.
  4. I Have Learned That They Are All Different – As they have grown into adults, I have learned that my kids are all different. Once upon a time I thought that they would ALL go to college/tech school, have great careers and live a happy life. I have learned that life and purpose are not one size fits all. They have each taken different routes, as far as, school and work. They each have different passions, strengths and weaknesses. The other part of the lesson for me has been to allow them each to figure things out for themselves. I give advice, but ultimately they have to figure out what is right for them. So, I encourage them each to do what only they can do.
  5. I Have Learned That Quality Time Can Be Simple – When the kids were little, we ate dinner at the table. We would share how our days were, share positive insights about each other and laugh much. We would go to the park and have picnics. At times, simply being together was enough. We didn’t have to be doing anything exciting or expensive, sharing life seemed to be enough.
  6. I Have Learned That I Am An Example Of Jesus To My Kids – It took me forever to get it through my head that I am a role model for my kids. I am that person that they will emulate. I am that person that they will get their values from. I behaved badly in the first few years. I was wracked with anger, bitterness and overwhelming hopelessness. No excuses though. I was setting a horrible example for them. Thanks to my friend, the Holy Spirit, I finally figured it out and started to be a role model that they can emulate. Am I perfect? Not a chance! Do I mess up? Absolutely! Every day! But I try. I don’t always get it right, but with God by my side, I do my best and leave the rest to Him.
  7. I Have Learned That Kids Have Feelings Too – I never really considered how the divorce affected the kids. I was so caught up in my own feelings that I never considered that the kids were hurting too. I never considered that they might be confused or have fears of their own. I have learned that, but a little late. Our kids feel the same emotions adults do. We all to often dismiss our kids feelings, but I have learned that if we ignore those feelings they will manifest themselves physically and usually not in good ways. Our kids deserve to be heard.
  8. I Have Learned To Apologize – I have already said that I have made mistakes. My kids have seen me at my worst and I have learned that even moms need to apologize. It shows that we are human. If I expect my kids to feel remorse for a wrongdoing then they need to know that there are times when we need to apologize when we blow it.
  9. I Have Learned That My Kids Aren’t Perfect – If I’m not perfect, why do I expect my kids to be perfect? As parents, we all to often, expect our kids to be perfect, to never misbehave, and to never fail. Why do we do this? We aren’t perfect! We misbehave! We fail! Why do we put these unrealistic expectations on our kids? We want better for them, but placing unrealistic expectations on them creates unneeded stress. My kids have had hard times. They have made bad decisions. I have learned that I have to grant them room to grow and learn from their mistakes.
  10. I Have Learned The Art Of Surrender – In my single mom journey I have had broken down cars or no car, I have worried about my kids, I have lived in poverty and I have wondered how I will ever survive. It has not been easy. I have struggled with trying to control everything. I have placed unneeded stress and anxiety on myself by thinking that I had to control everything. There are some things beyond our control. I have had to learn to surrender the challenges to the only one who controls ALL things: GOD.

It has been one heck of a roller coaster ride! It isn’t over yet! I will always be a single mom. My kids may be adults, but they will always need me. I still have Ty to guide into adulthood. I’m sure that as they grow they will continue to teach me life lessons. You are never to old to learn and grow and my kids have been my best teachers. Thank you Cherokee, Kiowa, Cree, Talon and Ty. You five are my heart!

 

 

Read Full Post »

 

Proverbs 20:22

Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!”
    Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.

 

After my divorce, I was filled with anger. I felt like I was being abandoned. My hopes and dreams lay scattered at my feet and I was furious at my then husband for what was happening. I was full of rage and I was determined to pay back the wrong that had been done to me.

I’m sure you’ve been there, single mom. You are Filled with so much anger that it keeps you focused on that wrong that has been done to you. That rage takes your eyes and heart off of what’s important: your kids. It’s easy to get sucked into that hurt and anger. It is normal to feel that revenge will help you feel better. It is normal to want that person that caused you pain to suffer too.

I’m here to tell you, single mom, that revenge will NOT help you feel better. I won’t go into detail about my own childish behavior, but I will tell you that my actions left me feeling guilty about the example I had set for my kids. I regretted behaving that way in front of my kids and I felt like the worst mom in the world.

Did God avenge the wrong done to me? Well, sort of. In my situation, He changed my heart towards my now ex-husband. The more I trusted God and leaned on God, the more I felt my anger melt away. I still get angry at times, but I trust God to take care of the situation for me.

Your saying, “well, my ex-husband beat me, he deserves everything he gets.” That may be true, but your #1 priority has to be your kids. Allow God to work in the situation. He WILL fight for you. If you focus on your children and allow the Holy Spirit to melt that anger in your heart, God will protect you and fight for you. I am NOT saying to not fight for justice in your situation. If you have to take someone to court or get a protective order to protect yourselves and your kids, then absolutely do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children. I am saying to seek justice within the law and not seek revenge based on anger and rage. Our God is a God of justice and He will bring justice in your circumstance. You are a daughter of God, He loves you and He will fight for you.

My challenge to you: Allow the Holy Spirit to heal your spirit and melt the anger in your heart. There will still be times when something happens that makes you angry. If you need to seek justice within the law, then do so. Trust God to bring justice. Your kids need a mom who is at peace and is focused on doing what is best for them. Allow the peace of God to fill your home. Do not allow the anger and chaos of Satan to enter your home. Your kids feel what you feel. Let go of the hate and rage and trust God to work.

If you need prayer or an encouraging word, just drop me a line via my contact form. I am always here to help, my single mom friend!

Read Full Post »

 

Psalm 13

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

 

How many times have I uttered these same words in my 17 years as a single mom? Too many to count. At times, crying out to God in my despair was the only prayer I could manage. Feeling that God had abandoned me and would never hear my cries for help. For years, I have wrestled with the thoughts of anger, fear, abandonment, insecurity, doubt, you name it, I have wrestled with it. I have spent years with sorrow in my heart, wondering when my situation would change. Wondering when God would deliver me from the oppression of this single mom life. Life was my enemy. My circumstances were my enemy. I eventually realized that Satan is my enemy and he loves nothing more than to see me down in the dumps and not trusting God.

“Answer me, Lord! Help me! Deliver me from this oppression!” This was the cry of my heart. Still is on some days. Life is not perfect. I have my good days and my bad days. As the kids grow into adulthood, the struggles are different, but still ever present. They still need me and I still need them. I still struggle making ends meet financially. I struggle with new issues, more adult issues, that the kids are dealing with as they grow up. I struggle with when not to “parent” them but simply encourage them. I struggle with knowing when to just be that loving, listening ear. In all of this, I cry out to God for wisdom, provision and grace.

Even in the times when I feel that God has left me, I guess I am still rooted deep enough, that I still trust that He loves me. I still trust that God is working in my situation, even when I try to sabotage His efforts. Even when I feel abandoned, I still have faith that He IS there, waiting for me to find Him again. In ALL things I give praise! Times of trial are simply making us stronger in our faith. When I am facing the fire, I know that this is the time to really hang on to HIM in prayer and reading His word. Life is full of trials and struggles, but our God will NEVER change.

If you are crying out today, single mom, know that God hears you! Praise Him in the struggle. Trust in His unfailing love for you and your kids. Whatever it is, He will work it out. Keep praying and keep digging into the promises found in His word. If you need some extra prayer, contact me. I’m always here to lend an ear.

God loves you and so do I!

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »