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Archive for the ‘For Single Moms’ Category

I have had a passion to disciple single moms for 14 years now. At the time that God started to plant this seed in my heart, I was in the middle of the storm myself and was not ready to minister to other single moms. I have now been a single mom for 20 years. I have raised 5 children to adulthood. I have grown in my own walk with God and am now in the place to disciple and serve other single moms who may be struggling. As I was writing the steps of this program I found myself wishing that I had had a program like this while I was stuck in the mud of my single mom journey. For the first years of my journey I was so caught up in my own anger and bitterness that I could not see that my kids were dealing with their own emotional stuff. I was not able to effectively help my kids navigate their own issues, because I was carrying a burden of my own. This was a major factor in my wanting to create a discipleship program that not only addressed building a lifestyle of prayer and Bible study, but would bring healing of present and past hurts through the love of God, allowing single moms to parent from a place of wholeness which in turn will bring healing to their children.

L.I.F.E stands for Living Intentionally For Eternity. As Christians we choose to live intentionally for Jesus. Every decision is intentionally made to glorify the God that created us. Our reward for living intentionally for God? An eternal life in the presence of our Lord and King, Jesus.

The 10 steps of the L.I.F.E Discipleship program:

  1. Discover who God is– In order to grow in our relationship with God, we need to know who God is. We can not build a strong, intimate relationship with someone that we do not know well. Intimate relationships take time and nurturing. My own relationship with God has taken years of prayer, Bible study, obedience and trust to grow to the point of faith that I am at now. I know who God is in every season of my life. I trust Him to be an ever present refuge in this life of uncertainty. The Christian walk is a journey. I am not perfect. I still have days when I feel disconnected from God. This is always do to something on my end causing the disconnect. In those times, I pray harder, dig deeper into the Bible and search my heart for issues that need resolved. But because I know that God will never leave me nor forsake me(Deuteronomy 31:6) I can work through the issues and maintain my faith that God is still present in my life.
  2. Discover your identity in Jesus– When I became a single mom I did not know that God loved me. My marriage of 7 years had just failed. My husband had left me for another woman and I felt alone and abandoned. I felt unworthy of love. If my husband did not love me enough to stay, why would God love me? It took me many years to realize that God loves me more than I could ever imagine. He loves me so much that He has counted every hair on my head (Luke 12:7). In time I have come to fully realize how valuable I am to God. You are valuable to God too! God looks upon us and our struggles with love and compassion. We need to know who we are in Jesus in order to live lives of confidence and courage, knowing that we are victors because God is the one fighting for us.
  3. Identify sin patterns– We can not grow in our relationship with God when we are living a lifestyle of sin. We will continue to feel disconnected from God until we recognize the sin in our lives. Being the imperfect person that I am, I had to own the sin in my life and deal with it in order for my relationship with God to grow. We are creatures of habit and it may be necessary to assess the activities in our lives on a regular basis to make sure that we are not falling back into sinful patterns.
  4. Find freedom through repentance– Once we identify the sin in our lives, we need to repent of that sin. This is not an easy step. It means confessing our deep dark secrets to God and trusting that He will understand and forgive. The good news is that He is a God of grace and will forgive when we confess and repent. He understands our human nature and knows that we will continue to sin. That doesn’t mean to give up and not try. It simply means that we will occasionally fail in our attempts. The bad news is that God already knows when we blow it. When you sleep with that guy that you aren’t married to, God knows. When you get drunk with your kids in the house, God knows. God sees it all! He is that light in the darkness and there is nowhere that you can hide.
  5. Find freedom through forgiveness– There are 2 sides to this one. We have to be willing to forgive others(even when they don’t ask!) and we have to be willing to ask God and others to forgive us when we sin against someone else. Forgiving others frees us of the burden of anger and hate. Asking forgiveness frees us of the shame we feel when we know that we have wronged someone. I have had to do both and neither one is easy, but both are necessary in order to move forward in peace.
  6. Heal the wounds of the past– Let’s face it, we carry our pasts into our present. How many of us will blame present lifestyle choices on our childhood or past relationships? At some point, we have to let go of the past and take responsibility of our choices. Somewhere in our growing up we reach that point where we have to surrender the past and start to choose our own values and how we want to live. Letting go is difficult, but we will never move forward when we have one foot stuck in the past.
  7. Overcome fear and anxiety– I have been paralyzed by fear and anxiety. Life as a single mom comes with uncertainty and hardship. I don’t know a single mom who hasn’t worried about how she was going to pay the bills or living with anxiety that the car will need tires or other repairs. We fear that our kids will grow up and repeat our mistakes. God does NOT give us a spirit of fear(2 Timothy 1:7). We can rest in the assurance that nothing escapes God’s notice. He sees all and He has whatever you are facing taken care of. He has your back, now and always.
  8. Discover your God given life purpose– God has a plan and a purpose for all of us. He has a special calling for each of us that call Him, Lord. This will be the fun part of the program. Searching your heart to find what you are passionate about. What is it that tugs on your heart? For me, it is serving single moms. It has been a long time in the making, but God is faithful and everything happens in His timing. It is exciting when God puts things together in a way that only God can. It gives you that push that you need to move forward. When we have confidence in God, mountains begin to move.
  9. Transform your life– God can and will transform your life, but He expects us to be partners in this journey. He expects us to do our part to transform our lives. We need to make a habit of prayer and Bible study. We need to find time to spend alone with God in prayer and worship. We need to find a community of believers to share our lives with. We need to simplify our lives so that God is our #1 focus. We need to make a plan that incorporates these disciplines into the fabric of our daily lives. We need to be intentional in our thoughts and activities. God needs to be at the center of our lives and family, not material possessions or a schedule full of energy draining activities. When we simplify our lives and focus on Him alone, we will see a peace and calm come over our homes that only God can bring.
  10. Maintaining a Godly lifestyle– In order to maintain any type of lifestyle, we need to make a commitment to the plan. We also need to be accountable. We need to check-in on a regular basis to see how we are feeling and if any changes need to be made. We need to remember to stay intentional in our pursuit of God. We also need to remember that this life is a journey, but the end goal is an eternity in the presence of God and Jesus. To me, that is well worth the effort.

As you go through the steps, you will use a journal to document your journey. Writing down our thoughts, Bible verses, experiences, and prayers helps us to “get out of our heads.” It also allows us to go back and see how God has transformed our hearts, lives and families.

This program was definitely a labor of love for me. I prayed over each step, wanting each single mom to find healing, as well as, implementing the necessary disciplines that allow us to grow in our relationship with God. This is not a Bible study that I expect single moms to do alone. I am here as the discipleship coach 100% of the way. I am in this for as long as it takes.

For more information on the L.I.F.E Discipleship Program please visit the program page here.

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Dear single mom,

Have you ever prayed about an issue or a circumstance, just to have God say no? It can be frustrating. Especially when God gives no reason behind the answer.

I have been praying non stop for over 2 1/2 years for my son-in-law to gain full-custody of his 2 sons. Without going into detail, I will say that the boys would have a more stable environment with my daughter and son-in-law. They have spent the last 2 1/2 years in a custody battle with his ex-wife. 2 1/2 years and $16,000.00 later the ruling is that everything will remain the same. This “same” arrangement has not worked in the past and I don’t see how it will work any different now, but this is how God answered my prayers.

WHY?

I still ask this question. Where is the justice for my son-in-law? Where is the justice for the boys? Why? We are to pray for justice for the oppressed and when we do, God leaves things the same way. Why?

God does not owe me an explanation. Part of being a Christian is trusting in God’s will. We have to believe that despite the way things seem, God is still in control and is working all things for the good for those who believe in Him.

This has been a difficult year. We have struggled with a pandemic, national division, fear and anxiety over who will be President, and division in the Church of America. We have seen anger and violence in the streets. We fear for ourselves and our children. We watch as Satan seems to gain more ground in this nation that was founded on Christian principles. We watch and we pray.

Luke 22:42

“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

Jesus did not want to die, but He was willing to do the will of His Father. He trusted His Father. He could have changed His fate, but He did not. He trusted the will of God.

We can not change who will be President. We can not change the ebb and flow of a pandemic. We can not change the hearts of those that are hell bent on violence and destruction. All we can do is:

PRAY…and

BURY OURSELVES IN THE BIBLE

Jesus prayed…and

Jesus buried Himself in God’s Word.

It is okay to pray for what we want, BUT we have to remember that God knows best. Praying God’s will should be our #1 priority. Ask for what we want, but ultimately we need to be willing to surrender the outcome to God.

When we bury ourselves in the Bible, we can stand on God’s promises and we grow in our faith. We can pray God’s Word back to Him, trusting in the outcome.

When God does not answer a prayer the way we want or think it should be answered, we have to trust in the ultimate goodness and love of God. There are times when we will not understand the answer to our prayers. We have to have faith that God has our best interest at heart. He knows ALL and sees ALL and only He can protect us from an unknown danger or set up a future miracle.

I am challenging myself to pray one simple prayer in ALL situations: Thy will be done.

I urge you to do the same. We can not change the outcomes of events. If Something is God’s will, we can only trust that He will be with us in the times of trouble. Do not worry!

Keep praying! Don’t let the chaos of today cause you to doubt God’s will for tomorrow. The schemes of the devil can not change God’s will. God may say NO, but we can stand firm trusting that it is for our best.

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James 1:13-15

13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

Dear Single Mom,

Temptation is a part of life. Some temptations aren’t necessarily going to lead you into sin (if you splurge occasionally and buy that item that makes you smile). Other temptations WILL lead us into a lifestyle of sin and should be avoided at all costs. According to James 1, God does NOT tempt us. It is when we are led astray by our own evil desires that Satan gains a foothold into our lives and sin is able to slip in the door of our hearts.

We have to be constantly on guard.

1 Peter 5:8

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 

We need to be alert and of sober mind. Do not allow anything to alter your mental capacity to think straight.

How do we fight temptation?

Luke 22:40 tells us to pray that we will not fall into temptation.

We trust God:

1 Corinthians 10:13

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

James 4:7 tells us to submit ourselves to God and to resist the devil and he will flee from us.

There are 3 questions you need to ask yourself when facing a temptation:

If I do this will I bring glory and honor to God?

If I do this will I be setting a good example for my children?

Is this something I would want my children to do?

If the answer to these questions is NO then DON’T DO IT!

I know that facing down the devil when he is tempting us is not always easy, but allowing him to lead us into sin will only lead to a life of chaos, pain and emptiness. Do not give in to his manipulation tactics, his lies and his deception. He does not want what is best for you. He wants to separate you from the one who loves you, GOD.

If you are facing temptation today, submit to God and resist the devil. Resist him and he WILL flee. I am always here to pray and encourage if you need the extra support.

God loves you single mom and so do I!

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Article #4 is up!

This is my last article with The Life Of A Single Mom Ministries. It has been a blessing to be able to love millions of single moms for Jesus through their website. I am looking forward to where God will lead me next!

It has been a tough year for so many people, but it has been especially difficult for the single mom. This has been a year of job losses, financial hardships, child care issues, homeschooling, etc…Read the rest of the article here.

 

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Dear single mom,

I know how long your to-do list can get. I know how hard it can be to be torn between work, household chores, the kids school/after school activities and other obligations. There were times when I felt like someone had placed me on a hamster wheel and I would never get off. It’s hard to say NO when you are faced with activities/events that are important to you or your kids.

Reality check: 

You can’t do everything. Trying to will drive you crazy and keep you from enjoying quality time with your kiddos. It’s important for everyone to set priorities, but even more so for the single mom who is juggling more plates by herself. Some of the top priorities for me are listed below:

  1. God– He is #1 period! Nothing else matters if He is not at the center of our family and our daily lives. Everything I do revolves around my relationship with God. Every decision I make is made according to what will glorify God and be in God’s will. I prioritize prayer, Bible study, and church. I am not perfect. I mess up, but I am determined not to let my relationship with God fall by the wayside.
  2. Myself– This might sound selfish, but realistically if you are not healthy how can you take care of your kids? I try to find time for silence and solitude. I always loved taking bubble baths after the kids went to bed. I went to a community college and obtained my Associates degree in Human Services. I found time to get together with other adults. I tried to eat right, sleep right and exercise. I struggled emotionally, but tried not to let that affect the kids. I have to be honest, it did affect the kids. There were times when my emotional struggle was out of control. If we don’t take care of our own issues, we won’t be fully aware of our kids needs. If we don’t take care of ourselves first, our kids will suffer for it.
  3. Children– Typically, our kids are our #1 priority. I take care of myself, but even if I am sick, my kids still need to be taken care of. I had pneumonia for 6 weeks a few years ago. The doctor eventually told me that either I stayed home from work or I was going to be hospitalized. I agreed to stay home, because I had 5 kids to take care of. I did what I had to for the kids, trying to take care of me at the same time. Remember though, the only way to make it through all the activities, appointments, and kid issues is to take care of ourselves. I have found it easier to take care of the kids when I center my life on God and take care of myself.
  4. Home– I was completely overwhelmed with housework. I had 5 kids in a 5 bedroom, 2 bathroom house. There were toys everywhere, laundry was piled up and it was lived in. There were times when it was a mess and I did the minimum of keeping the trash picked up, doing the laundry and doing the dishes. There were also other times when it was organized and orderly. I encourage you to find a way to make housework easier and involve the kids. It doesn’t have to be immaculate. Make housework a team sport and make it fun. Create new family traditions with your kids. Create a family night where you do crafts, watch movies, have a Bible study, etc. The main thing is to make the home a safe place for you and your kids to come to when life gets tough. Whatever you need to do to create that space for all of you, I encourage you to do it.
  5. Others– The above 4 should be your top priorities. After that you can decide where your attention needs to be.

 

Setting priorities is not always easy. There will be times when things overlap and you have to make the hard choice. There will be times when work has to come before a child’s activity. There will be times when a child’s illness will prevent you from going to work or a social event with friends. There will always be choices. The only priority I do not change though is keeping God #1. If God is not at the center everything else falls apart. What are your priorities? Do your normal activities fall into those categories? I encourage you to take a look at your activities and how they align with God’s word. I also encourage you to see where your life may be out of balance. A balanced life is a peace filled life.

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Dear single mom,

Have you ever picked up the Bible, but put it back down feeling overwhelmed? I have! The Bible can be intimidating! You have this BOOK of 66 separate books that somehow fit together and point us to Jesus. The New Testament is easier to read than the Old Testament, but where do you start?

There are experts and non experts who swear up and down that EVERYONE MUST read through the Bible at least once. I actually did that one year. What did I retain or get out of it? Absolutely nothing. WAIT! WHAT??? Okay, I’m sure I got something out of it since it is the Bible and it is alive and all, but really, it was such a fast paced plan that I felt that it became something to check off of my to-do list rather than something I WANTED to do to learn more about my God. I got bored and bogged down somewhere around Numbers and almost gave up. I continued to muddle through, but my passion for the project was gone and I don’t remember much about what I read.

So, what do I suggest? 

Study one book at a time – With the Holy Spirit’s guidance, choose a book of the Bible to start with. As you read through it, answer the main questions: When, What, Why, Where, Who, and How. How does this book fit into the overall scheme of the Bible (God’s plan to bring restoration through Jesus)? Are there verses in this book that are commands that you can apply to your daily life? How is God speaking to you through this book? I like studying one book per month. Some books will take longer and there are those that are short enough that you can study 2, 3 or more in one month. Read 1 or 2 chapters a day or whatever is comfortable to you. This is NOT a race! Remember, the goal is to RETAIN what you study. The goal is to FEEL the Holy Spirit as He works through His Word. The goal is to GROW in your relationship with God as you read through His Word.

Journal – There are different methods of Bible journaling and you can look them up on the internet, but I find that I get the most out of my study when I answer the questions that I listed above. I also, like to pray scripture. I will write down the verse(s) in prayer form. Praying God’s Word back to Him can be powerful. When you read a scripture that speaks to your heart or a situation that you are dealing with, write it down and reflect on how God is using this verse to encourage you, guide you, or speaking to you in any other way and then pray that verse back to Him.

Listen – If we pay attention, God will speak through His Word. The Holy Spirit works through the Bible bringing it to life for those who believe. The Bible has the ability to transform lives like no other book ever written. If we listen, God will use the Bible to speak to us and give us the wisdom we need to muddle through this thing called life.

I encourage you to start reading the Bible today! Start in the Gospels where you can read about the life and ministry of Jesus from those who walked with Him. The 4 Gospels are written by 4 different men, to 4 different people groups, from 4 different perspectives. I am always here to walk beside you in your single mom journey. Contact me if you need encouragement, prayers, support, or anything else. Be blessed single mom!

 

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Dear single mom,

I know that prayer can be intimidating, but think of it as a conversation with your best friend. God wants to hear about our lives. Yes, He does already know everything, but He wants US to share our lives with Him. He wants US to WANT to share our lives with Him.

Prayer is a conversation with God. God hears us when we pour our hearts from a place of desperation, pray for our kids, intercede on behalf of someone else or a situation. God is also a loving God who wants to bless us. He wants to give us good things, but we need to ask first. We need to pray in order for God to work in our lives and our situations. We need to pray according to His will, making sure that our motivations are in line with His word, 1 John 5:14-15 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him. James 4:2-3 You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

It took some time for me to really get comfortable praying. It isn’t something that you can “learn” how to do by reading about it. You simply have to dive in and “Just Do It!”

Here are 3 ways of praying that have transformed my prayer life:

  1. Continual Conversation – As I go about my day, I focus on the presence of God. I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit in everything that I do. I carry on a conversation as I go about my business. I thank God for the good, the blessings as I come across them (they can be little things, like a rainbow, harvesting vegetables from the garden, flowers blooming in our garden, or the simple kindness of a stranger). I cry out to God when I read about injustice or an accident that has happened. I pray for the victims of crimes as I read about them. I pour out my heart when someone hurts me or I am facing a situation that causes me heartache. I also, pour out my heart when I know that I have acted in a way that dishonors God. I start my prayer when I get out of bed and I end it at the end of the day, when I ask for protection during the night. When I carry on a continual conversation with God throughout my day, it reminds me that God is with me always. I can feel His presence in a very real way and it is AWESOME!
  2. Journal – I love to write, so journaling is a given for me. I don’t have a fancy journal or do any fancy artwork in it. I have a five subject spiral notebook (they have more pages) and I simply write as my heart desires. Some days, I write pages and pages or some days I write half a page. There may be 2 or 3 days when I don’t write. Because I am in continual conversation with God, I am still praying, but there are times when pouring out my heart in a journal helps me process better. It’s just the act of writing it out that seems to bring some peace. Sometimes getting it out of your head and on paper can make something that seems complicated seem pretty simple. Sometimes we get a different perspective when we get out of our heads by writing down our thoughts and prayers.
  3. Listen – As I go about my day focusing on the presence of God, I listen to what HE has to say to ME. I keep my heart open to the little ways that He may be leading me or the whispers of advice that He may be giving me. Conversation is not just about talking, it is about listening too. God will speak to us, but we need to be listening.

I used to be intimidated by people who prayed the big, eloquent prayers. I’m not any more. God is going to be more willing to answer the simple prayer of a single mom who sincerely prays, “Lord, help me” than the long, flowery prayer of someone who is just looking to build him/herself up. God is not looking for perfection. He is looking for a sincere, obedient heart.

I encourage you, single mom, to get a notebook and write out a prayer to God. Don’t think about what you are writing. Allow your heart to speak from the experiences of your life and you will be surprised at what flows out. It may feel awkward at first, but it will become more natural the more you focus on God. Open your heart and allow God to become real in your life and you will see the miracles that believing in Him can bring.

 

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Dear single mom,

Isaiah 54:5-6

For your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young, only to be rejected,” says your God.

When I first heard this verse, it opened my heart to a new perspective of God. I was at a single mom weekend in 2006, when the speaker, Lori Little, shared this verse. I had always known of God as my Father, but when I heard this verse, God met me in my pain and it changed my life. When I started to see God as my Husband, my perspective on earthly relationships changed. Earthly relationships are good, but they can not take the place of our relationship with God.

What is a husband’s role? 

Provider

Protector

Comforter

Listener

Companion

Guide

Wise Counsel

 

Did I leave anything out? These are ALL things that we can find in God.

Provider – God has provided for me and my kids for the 20 years that I have been a single mom. We have never gone without clothes, food, transportation, housing, etc. We have always had what we needed. There were times when I would start to notice that one or two of the kids were outgrowing their clothes and before I had time to address the need, I would come home to trash bags full of clothes for the child in need plus the others. We have never been without. In what way is God, your husband, providing for you and your kids?

Protector – God has protected us individually and as a family. I completely believe that He has His angels surrounding us during the day and as we sleep, because I pray protection over us. There have been situations that could have been so much worse without God’s intervention. I feel His presence on a daily basis. In what ways has God, your husband, protected you and your kids?

Comforter – Life as a single mom is littered with tears. There have been times when my only prayer was, “Don’t let me go.” In those times I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit like a cozy blanket that allows me to grieve and heal. God wraps me in His love and whispers His love to my heart in ways that allow me to believe that despite my circumstances, I am worthy and I am loved. In what ways has God, your husband, comforted you lately?

Listener – God listens as I pour out my heart. He listens as I pour out my prayer requests. He knows my heart and He cares. He listens and He answers in the rainbows, the songs of the birds, the sighting of a Cardinal, the beautiful hue of a sunset, the babbling waters of a creek and in so many other ways. He answers in simple but deeply meaningful ways. In what ways has God, your husband, shown that He is listening to you?

Companion – God is a 24/7 presence in my life. He is my companion. He is the one I share random conversations with as I go through my day. He is the one who is there when I am heartbroken over bad news and He is there when I am rejoicing good news. I rest on the promise God gives us in Hebrews 13:5 Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. I know that I can take God at His word. I trust Him completely.

Guide – Just as God guided the Israelites by cloud during the day and by fire at night, I know that the Holy Spirit guides me in my single mom journey. In any decision I need to make, the Holy Spirit, is a prayer away and ready to step in to guide me. He is not going to let me hang in the wind. He will lead me in the way I must go.

Wise Counsel – I know that if I am burdened by any issue or am living in sin, the Holy Spirit, in love will deal with my heart. If I listen, He will tell me how to restore any situation that I might find myself in. He is always present to tell us how to navigate life as a single mom.

Soon after the single mom retreat, I realized that the role God played in my life had changed. No longer was He the Father that looked after me as I grew up. He was now my Husband and I knew, instinctively, that He was ALL that I needed. I made a vow to remain celibate not long after the retreat and I have never looked back. I don’t expect you to follow me into celibacy! I am asking you to give God a chance today to be the husband that you need. Maybe forever or until He brings a Godly man into your life to fill that role. You NEED Him, single mom! Whether you know it or not.

Challenge:

I challenge you to research the ways in which God (Holy Spirit) fills the role as husband in our lives. Start by finding scriptures for the roles listed above and expand from there. If you find others that aren’t listed, please send them to me! I love feedback and hearing from other single moms!

 

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Dear Single Mom,

I know! I know! Who has time to think about healing? You have been tossed into this new life of being a single mom, possibly blindsided to boot, and you are barely able to keep your head above water. Who has time to heal? Let me tell you something right now, IT’S OKAY TO FOCUS ON HEALING!!! You need to heal to be the best mom possible for your kids.

I wish I could tell you that I made healing a priority early on. I did not and my kids suffered for it. I was a HOT MESS of emotions and they were the ones who had to see their mom seething with rage, trying to beat up their dad’s new girlfriend (they have been together now for 20 years and she is my BEST FRIEND). I was so overwhelmed with guilt, fear, hate, rage, bitterness, you get the point, that I failed to see that they were affected too. I made it all about me and it wasn’t all about me. Their dad has ALWAYS been in their lives and he has ALWAYS been about his kids and taking care of them, but they had to adjust to a co-mom, 4 new brothers, and a new house for us. I wish that I had focused on my healing at the beginning. If I had then I could have been there as a whole person for them. I wasn’t whole. I was a broken mess and I added to my kids burdens.

Living in regret doesn’t solve anything, so I am using my experience to tell you to focus on healing NOW! Don’t wait. I wish someone had told me that at the beginning. I learned the hard way. I am fortunate that I renewed my faith in God and began to heal the pain of my past. My kids are fine for the most part. I am blessed to be able to share my testimony with you and walk with you in your journey.

REMINDER:

You know that heartache and anger that you are feeling? Imagine what your child must be dealing with. Add confusion to the mix, because they don’t understand, and you have a child who may act out when he/she never did before. Your child may become withdrawn or depressed. I know it seems selfish to think about our own healing first, but until we are whole we can’t appropriately help our kids heal.

Don’t let any more time go by without focusing on your healing, single mom. Your kids need you mentally and emotionally healthy. If you need guidance in your healing, visit my L.I.F.E program page. It is an e-coaching program that focuses on healing and transformation. I will be there 100% of the way. You are not alone in this single mom! It’s time to heal!

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Dear Single Mom,

I know how easy it is to feel anger towards or even hate your kid’s father. I know how easy it is to stay in that defensive position of, “Well he did such and such. He deserves every bad thing that happens to him.” I know how easy it is to get stuck in that resentment and bitterness. I’ve been there! I have been eaten up with hatred and bitterness. I had so much rage inside me that I became physical and went after a woman who is now my ex-husband’s wife and my best friend. I’m here to tell you that anger and hatred just eats you up inside. It doesn’t stop the other person from moving on and being happy. It hurts you and in extension, your kids.

Forgiving a wrong is never easy. It may take daily reminders to let go of the negative feelings and forgive the wrong. Heck, it might take hour by hour reminders, but you deserve the peace that comes with letting go. Your kids deserve to have a peace-filled mom who can model forgiveness and grace.

Here’s what the Bible says about forgiveness:

Colossians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Matthew 6:14-15

14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Ephesians 4:31-32
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Mark 11:25
And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.
Ephesians 4:26
“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.
Psalm 4:4
Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah
While we are talking about forgiveness, is there anything you have done to cause someone else hardship or pain? It goes both ways single mom. I challenge you to do some research on your own and see how God feels about un- repented sin. God expects us to ask for forgiveness when we wrong someone else. We need to ask God’s forgiveness and then make things right with the other person when appropriate. If you wrong your child, repent, and ask forgiveness. When we confess our sin and ask forgiveness, we are setting an example of how a Christian should act, in front of our kids. And don’t think for a second that they don’t see your sin. I hate to tell you, friend, they see more than we realize or want to admit.
Real peace comes from the act of forgiving and from making right a wrong that we have done to someone else. Allow your kids to see forgiveness in action and you will be setting an example that they will carry for the rest of their lives.

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