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Archive for the ‘For Single Moms’ Category

 

Proverbs 20:22

Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!”
    Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.

 

After my divorce, I was filled with anger. I felt like I was being abandoned. My hopes and dreams lay scattered at my feet and I was furious at my then husband for what was happening. I was full of rage and I was determined to pay back the wrong that had been done to me.

I’m sure you’ve been there, single mom. You are Filled with so much anger that it keeps you focused on that wrong that has been done to you. That rage takes your eyes and heart off of what’s important: your kids. It’s easy to get sucked into that hurt and anger. It is normal to feel that revenge will help you feel better. It is normal to want that person that caused you pain to suffer too.

I’m here to tell you, single mom, that revenge will NOT help you feel better. I won’t go into detail about my own childish behavior, but I will tell you that my actions left me feeling guilty about the example I had set for my kids. I regretted behaving that way in front of my kids and I felt like the worst mom in the world.

Did God avenge the wrong done to me? Well, sort of. In my situation, He changed my heart towards my now ex-husband. The more I trusted God and leaned on God, the more I felt my anger melt away. I still get angry at times, but I trust God to take care of the situation for me.

Your saying, “well, my ex-husband beat me, he deserves everything he gets.” That may be true, but your #1 priority has to be your kids. Allow God to work in the situation. He WILL fight for you. If you focus on your children and allow the Holy Spirit to melt that anger in your heart, God will protect you and fight for you. I am NOT saying to not fight for justice in your situation. If you have to take someone to court or get a protective order to protect yourselves and your kids, then absolutely do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children. I am saying to seek justice within the law and not seek revenge based on anger and rage. Our God is a God of justice and He will bring justice in your circumstance. You are a daughter of God, He loves you and He will fight for you.

My challenge to you: Allow the Holy Spirit to heal your spirit and melt the anger in your heart. There will still be times when something happens that makes you angry. If you need to seek justice within the law, then do so. Trust God to bring justice. Your kids need a mom who is at peace and is focused on doing what is best for them. Allow the peace of God to fill your home. Do not allow the anger and chaos of Satan to enter your home. Your kids feel what you feel. Let go of the hate and rage and trust God to work.

If you need prayer or an encouraging word, just drop me a line via my contact form. I am always here to help, my single mom friend!

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Psalm 13

How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

 

How many times have I uttered these same words in my 17 years as a single mom? Too many to count. At times, crying out to God in my despair was the only prayer I could manage. Feeling that God had abandoned me and would never hear my cries for help. For years, I have wrestled with the thoughts of anger, fear, abandonment, insecurity, doubt, you name it, I have wrestled with it. I have spent years with sorrow in my heart, wondering when my situation would change. Wondering when God would deliver me from the oppression of this single mom life. Life was my enemy. My circumstances were my enemy. I eventually realized that Satan is my enemy and he loves nothing more than to see me down in the dumps and not trusting God.

“Answer me, Lord! Help me! Deliver me from this oppression!” This was the cry of my heart. Still is on some days. Life is not perfect. I have my good days and my bad days. As the kids grow into adulthood, the struggles are different, but still ever present. They still need me and I still need them. I still struggle making ends meet financially. I struggle with new issues, more adult issues, that the kids are dealing with as they grow up. I struggle with when not to “parent” them but simply encourage them. I struggle with knowing when to just be that loving, listening ear. In all of this, I cry out to God for wisdom, provision and grace.

Even in the times when I feel that God has left me, I guess I am still rooted deep enough, that I still trust that He loves me. I still trust that God is working in my situation, even when I try to sabotage His efforts. Even when I feel abandoned, I still have faith that He IS there, waiting for me to find Him again. In ALL things I give praise! Times of trial are simply making us stronger in our faith. When I am facing the fire, I know that this is the time to really hang on to HIM in prayer and reading His word. Life is full of trials and struggles, but our God will NEVER change.

If you are crying out today, single mom, know that God hears you! Praise Him in the struggle. Trust in His unfailing love for you and your kids. Whatever it is, He will work it out. Keep praying and keep digging into the promises found in His word. If you need some extra prayer, contact me. I’m always here to lend an ear.

God loves you and so do I!

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Luke 7:11-17

11 Soon afterward, Jesus went to a town called Nain, and his disciples and a large crowd went along with him. 12 As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out—the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her.13 When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”

14 Then he went up and touched the bier they were carrying him on, and the bearers stood still. He said, “Young man, I say to you, get up!” 15 The dead man sat up and began to talk, and Jesus gave him back to his mother.

16 They were all filled with awe and praised God. “A great prophet has appeared among us,” they said. “God has come to help his people.”17 This news about Jesus spread throughout Judea and the surrounding country.

There is one phrase that really jumps out at me: When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.” His heart went out to her! She did not approach Him, but when HE SAW HER His heart went out to her. Jesus has a heart for the widow. Jesus has a heart for the single mom. He knew her circumstances and He cared about her. He told her not to cry, revived her son and gave him back to his mother.

There have been many times in my journey as a single mom when Jesus has worked on my behalf before I prayed about the situation. There are times when I don’t think about praying for a specific situation and God works in that situation anyways. He does it because He loves me. He does it because He knows my heart. He does it because His heart goes out to those who are in need of a miracle.

There are so many single moms in the world, who are in need of a miracle. Are you one of them? Are you a paycheck away from becoming homeless? Are your kids heading down the wrong path? Are you simply overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn? Turn to the one whose heart goes out to you. Jesus can and will work a miracle in your situation. Why? Because He loves you and His heart goes out to you. You may feel that you are going to drown in your own tears, but hear the voice of our Savior. He is whispering to your heart, “Don’t cry.”

Whatever the circumstances of your life, know this single mom: Jesus has a heart for you and He is ready to perform a miracle in your life and the lives of your children. Dry your tears, hold your head up and trust in the miracle maker.

 

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standing-on-a-line

 

Mark 4:40

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that my life would be better as a single mom. I doubt that any of us was thrilled at the prospect of being a single mom, but that is where life has taken us and I for one was more than a little afraid. I was afraid of ending up homeless. I was afraid of losing my job, because my car broke down, again. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be a good enough mom. I was afraid that in my own messed up mental and emotional state that I would cause irreparable damage to my kids. I was afraid that I was in this single mom journey alone. I was scared and I felt like no one in the world cared if I failed.

It has not been easy. I still struggle paycheck to paycheck. In the effort of being transparent, 2015 was the first year I made $20,000.00. I live in poverty. I try to baby my car, because it seems to always be on the verge of breaking down. My kids are getting older and their lives are getting complicated, so I try to find the right words of wisdom to parent them by. My youngest is now 15 and I feel the nudging of the Holy Spirit calling me into a new season of life. Life as a single mom is a struggle. It has NEVER been easy. But, in that struggle I see the many ways that God has shown up as my heavenly Husband to provide for us and protect us. Even in the chaos, I see the blessings of God all around me and I am forever grateful that He has had mercy on this single mom.

I know that life as a single mom comes with a certain amount of fear. We are expected to provide and protect our children on our own. We look at families with two parents and think to ourselves, “how am I ever going to make this work?” You WILL make it work. We have too, because no one can do it for us. Our children depend on us to take care of them.

How can you make it work?

Trust the ONE who loves you. Trust the ONE who loves your children. Your heavenly Husband is waiting to take the burden off of your shoulders, if you will let Him. God can take those problems, those worries, those cares, those fears, that you have been carrying around and He will carry them for you. Trust Him to partner with you in this single mom life.

Psalm 34:4

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

If you have read any of my blog posts, you will see that worry is still something I struggle with. I am getting better at knowing what I can’t control and surrendering it to God. He is in control. He controls ALL things. Why worry about something that I can do nothing about? Sometimes, this is an hourly challenge; laying my worries and fears and the feet of the ONE who loves me. The peace I feel when I give it to God is immeasurable. Why do I insist on hanging onto something I can do nothing about? It just makes me crazy in the long run.

Have faith, single mom! Trust God in your struggle. Give the worries and fears to Him, even if it is minute by minute. Eventually, your faith will grow and you will begin to see that God IS faithful. My faith has grown. I am still a work in progress, but I have come a long way in the 16 years I have been a single mom.

My challenge to you: 

I want you to reflect on the question that Jesus asks His disciples, “Why are you so afraid?” I want you to list your fears, as a single mom, in a journal or a piece of paper and give them to God, one by one. Read the fear aloud and say, “I trust you, my heavenly Husband to take care of _________ and I surrender it to you.” If you would rather use your own words, go for it! The point is to let go of our fears and allow God to share the burden with us. He is our partner. A partner who will NEVER let us down.

 

 

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god-sees

 

Psalm 17:8

Keep me as the apple of your eye;
    hide me in the shadow of your wings

Deuteronomy 32:10

In a desert land he found him,
    in a barren and howling waste.
He shielded him and cared for him;
    he guarded him as the apple of his eye,

Zechariah 2:8

For this is what the Lord Almighty says: “After the Glorious One has sent me against the nations that have plundered you—for whoever touches you touches the apple of his eye—”

I was devastated after my divorce. My husband had left me for another woman and I felt alone, angry and heart broken. For a few years, I agonized over the fact that no one seemed to “want” me. I saw other single women who had no problem finding men and I wondered what was wrong with me. I was at a single moms weekend in June of 2006 and Lori Little (21 Principles of a Healthy Single Mom) was there. I ordered her DVD set and went through each lesson many times over the next several months. In Principle #2 Identity, Lori tells us how God really feels about us. In this lesson, I learned that I am the apple of God’s eye. I am cherished by the Almighty God. WOW! These verses really started to make an impact on me and my heart started to heal from feeling like no one could ever love someone like me (a divorced, single mom with 5 kids). I came to realize that it didn’t matter what men thought about me, God loves me and you know what? Nothing else matters. Knowing that God loves me became enough for me. I am the apple of God’s eye, I don’t need a man to tell me that I am worthy of love. I know I am worthy of love!

Genesis 16:13-14

13 She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”14 That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi[b]; it is still there, between Kadesh and Bered.

Hagar was a single mom. She had given Abram a son and now her mistress, Sarai despised her. Hagar got a raw deal. It was Sarai’s idea for Abram to sleep with Hagar and Hagar was simply doing what her mistress told her to do. Sarai thought she could build a family through Hagar, instead of trusting God, she made things worse and poor Hagar dealt with the fall-out. When Sarai started to mistreat her, Hagar left and God met her in the wilderness. God saw how Sarai treated her and had compassion on her. Hagar was the apple of God’s eye. Because of this incident with Hagar, God is called “El Roi- the One who sees me.”

The same El Roi who met Hagar in the wilderness is waiting to meet you in your heartache. El Roi (the God who sees me) is waiting to show you that you are the apple of His eye. He sees you in your pain. He sees how you try to fill the void with relationship after meaningless relationship. Our God is a compassionate God and He wants so much for you to know that YOU are the apple of His eye. If you are single right now, I want to challenge you to seek God first, before you jump into another relationship. Do your own research and find out what God says about YOU in the Bible. El Roi sees YOU and YOU are the apple of His eye!

I still struggle as a single mom, but I will be forever grateful to Lori Little for giving me the kick in the rear-end I needed to put God first in my life as a single mom. I highly recommend every single mom to read her book or buy the DVD series, 21 Principles of a Healthy Single Mom. I have both! To visit Lori’s website, click here and to buy the book from Amazon, click here.

God Bless you, single mom!

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princess

My granddaughter Ava is three years old. She has been in a princess phase for over a year now and likes to put on “princess dresses,” put on make-up and become princess Ava. I try to tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is, but her reply is always the same, “I’m a princess, Nana.” Yes, she is a princess. She is my princess Ava, daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Somehow, being a princess has become a negative thing in society. We associate being a princess with being a spoiled diva, or a bridezilla. I started thinking about the Disney princesses. They are not spoiled divas. They are women of character and, in a way, role models to girls Ava’s age. Below, I have listed five characteristics of a princess that are modeled by the Disney princesses:

  1. Courage– Mulan is a Chinese princess, who disguises herself as a man and takes her elderly father’s place in a time of war. Time and training make her a princess warrior and she is instrumental in helping her people win the war. Being a single mom can feel like you are in a war zone. The weight of the world is on your shoulders and one dropped ball can mean disaster. Single moms are courageous. Somehow, we manage to get things done and often alone. The saying is that it takes a village to raise a child. I know that many of you don’t have that village to give you encouragement and support. You keep going. Day after day, you keep going forward, often with no thanks or appreciation. This takes courage, single mom. YOU are a princess warrior!
  2. A Servant’s Heart– Cinderella has a true servant’s heart. When her evil stepmother and stepsisters make her do all the chores and treat her like a slave, she doesn’t complain. She does what is asked of her. Her heart aches, but still she doesn’t act out in anger. Cinderella continues to serve with a meekness of spirit and a servant’s heart. I have often felt like Cinderella in my single mom journey. As the single mom of five kids, 8 and under, I often felt like a slave. Trying to keep the house clean, just to have it look like a hurricane hit 10 minutes after the kids got home. I was judged because my house looked lived in and not like the cover of Good Housekeeping. Being a single mom means having a servant’s heart. It means serving our kids in love and knowing that we are shaping their character. It means not grumbling and griping about every little thing. It means cleaning up the spilled milk without making your child feel like a failure because it spilled. It means going to bed completely worn out from taking care of your kids. This too shall pass, single mom. The kids grow up and take on more responsibility. Be patient with your kids. Jesus, Himself, came to serve and not to be served (Matthew 20:28).
  3. Wisdom– Pocahontas and John Smith want to bring their two worlds together in peace. It doesn’t seem like it will ever happen. Pocahontas uses wisdom when she convinces her father to let John Smith go and to end the fighting between the two groups. She seeks guidance from Grandmother Willow and uses her wisdom to change her world for the better. Raising 5 kids, I have had many times when I needed to use wisdom to guide my kids in the right direction. Pocahontas sought guidance from Grandmother Willow, as I seek guidance from my heavenly Father. I have needed to use wisdom to keep the peace between my five strong-willed kids. I have needed wisdom in knowing how to guide them in becoming adults and dealing with adult issues. Single moms need to be wise. Wisdom comes from God. We need to seek guidance in every situation. We need to seek guidance before we make rash decisions in the heat of the moment. We have little ones depending on us to do what is right. That takes wisdom, single mom. If we want to change the world, it starts with our kids. We need to raise them, using the wisdom God gives us.
  4. Compassion– Belle is compassionate in her dealings with the beast. He terrifies her, but she compassionately nurses him back to health and treats him kindly, despite his appearance and his attitude. Being a single mom means being compassionate even when our kids are messy and cranky. We can’t always see what is going on beneath the surface of our kids attitudes, so we need to have compassion in order to find out what is really going on. Belle uncovered the gentle side of the beast because of her kindness and compassion. We can uncover the gentle side of our kids if we approach them with love and compassion.
  5. Hardworking– Tiana is a hardworking waitress who dreams of owning her own restaurant. Sound familiar, single mom? We work our fingers to the bone at outside jobs, go to school and take care of the household too. Hard work is what gets things done and bills paid. It seems like the work will never end, but it will. Never give up on your dreams. If you keep working, focused on what you want, your dreams will come true. Trust in God, the dream-giver.

You are a princess, single mom! You are a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! Remember that a true princess is not a spoiled brat, who expects to be waited on, but a woman of strong character and who carries herself with integrity. Your children are watching. Be a role model that they can emulate. When tough times hit, remember your princess status and act with grace and dignity. Easier said than done, I know. I mess up more than I like to admit, but I do my best and that’s what counts. Call on our heavenly Father in the struggle and He will give you the strength to make it through. He sees your struggle and wants nothing more than to help you, His daughter.

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God is

It has been 15 years since my divorce. I am happy to say that I have grown in those years. I’m not perfect and I don’t always act like the “perfect” Christian woman. I am not the best mom, employee, ex-wife, daughter, or even the best nana. I am simply a woman doing my best. I am simply a single mom trying to raise my kids to love God and each other. It isn’t always easy. I sometimes feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. There are times when I feel disconnected from God, abandoned to deal with life’s trials on my own. It is in those times that He shows up and shows me who He really is:

  1. Heavenly Husband (Isaiah 54:5)- In the first few years after my divorce, I threw quite a pity party for myself. Why did EVERYONE else have someone, but me? What was wrong with me? My husband didn’t want me after 7 1/2 years of marriage and no one else did either. God spoke to my heart and called me to Himself. I realized that there was not a man on this earth who could fill that hole in my heart. Only God could fill the empty hollows of my heart. It was at that time that I made a commitment to God. I made a commitment to only worry about growing in my relationship with Him, after all, this was the only relationship that really mattered. I have been faithful in that promise and God has been faithful as my Heavenly Husband. Don’t worry about finding your “soul mate” or “Mr. Right”. Don’t chase your tail, wasting your precious time on unworthy guys. The most important thing you can do is grow your relationship with God. Grow closer to God and then Mr. Right might find his way to your door or maybe God has simply called you to Himself.
  2. Provider (Matthew 6:26)- As my kids were growing up, I worked part-time jobs. I felt very strongly that my first job as a single mom was to be at home with my kids. In those years, God always provided. For years, when the kids were growing up, every time one of them would grow out of their clothes, some one would call with clothes that fit that child. Other times, bags would appear on the porch full of clothes that fit the child in need. We have never gone without our basic needs. I have struggled with keeping cars going, but God has always seen to it that we get from point A to point B. We have never been without food. Even at Christmas, we have had more than enough. I have always felt secure knowing that the God of ALL resources is looking out for me and my kids and will provide what we need. Take your needs to God and trust that He will provide for you. Worrying yourself sick is not doing you or your kids any good. Allow God to be God in your life. Remember, He has access to ALL the resources on earth and will use them to provide for you. Trust Him!
  3. Healer (Jeremiah 30:17)- The first few years after my divorce were hard. I was devastated. I sank into the pit of despair and could not see the light. It has taken some time, but God has healed me of the wounds. There are still times when things get to me. I am human and I have a sensitive heart. In those times, I feel the comforting arms of my God wrapped around me, letting me know that everything will be okay. I am okay. I can feel the emotion and then I let it go. The hurt and anger doesn’t have the hold on me as it once did. Healing is a process and can take years. Allow God to wrap you in His comforting arms. Allow Him to heal your broken heart. He is waiting single mom. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to the ONE who truly cares.
  4. Compassionate (Psalm 103:8)- Through the years I have felt like no one cares. I have reached out for help and was met by a slammed door. Even Christians can be judgemental and unwilling to help. When I felt like there was nowhere else to go God met me where I was. I didn’t have to bang the door down to get Him to help me. God in His compassion saw me and helped me. He saw me in my pain and came to me. He heard my cries for help and He answered my prayers. God is a God of compassion and He sees your tears. He hears your cries. He knows your pain. In His compassion, He will help you. When the people around us fail, God never will.
  5. Redeemer (Job 19:25)- MY REDEEMER LIVES!!! HIS NAME IS JESUS!!! God’s will is that we ALL be saved and that none should see the fires of Hell. Our ever loving and compassionate God sent His one and only Son to die a horrible death so that you and I should have eternal life with Him in Heaven. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to lose a child. To have a child suffer and die would be beyond heartbreaking. If God is compassionate and is capable of loving us enough to allow His child to die for us, just imagine how heartbreaking it was for Him to allow His Son to suffer such cruelty. I don’t deserve God’s love. I don’t deserve His mercy. God didn’t care that we are and have always been an undeserving bunch of misfits. He chose to save us anyways. Why? He loves us that much. GOD LOVES YOU SINGLE MOM!!! Open your heart and embrace the love that He freely gives.

If you are a single mom and are struggling in this season of your life, I am here for you. Let me know how I can pray for you. You are not alone. We are in this together!

God loves you, single mom and so do I!

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