Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘single moms’

 

 

Look Up Child By Lauren Daigle

Where are You now
When darkness seems to win?
Where are You now
When the world is crumbling?

Oh I, I-I-I, I hear You say
I hear You say
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Where are You now (where are You?)
When all I feel is doubt?
Oh, where are You now
When I can’t figure it out?
Oh I, I-I-I, I hear You say
I hear You say
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
Look up
You’re not threatened by the war
You’re not shaken by the storm
I know You’re in control
Even in our suffering
Even when it can’t be seen
I know You’re in control
Oh I, I-I-I, I hear You say
I hear You say
Look up child, ayy
Look up child, ayy
I LOVE this song by Lauren Daigle! It is that windows down, sing at the top of my lungs kind of song. The kind of song that reminds you that no matter what life is throwing at you right now, LOOK UP! God is still on His throne and He is still in control.
I remember the dark days of trying to deal with my own emotional baggage from a failed marriage and still try to take care of five kids without messing them up to much. I remember the pain and anger of lost dreams and living a reality of poverty and struggling alone. I remember the days of doubting myself as a mom and not knowing if I would ever get it right.
I know that you have your own story, your own single mom journey, that you are struggling through. Maybe you are wondering how you will ever get through it.

 

Psalm 121:1-2

I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.

Whatever you are going through today, LOOK UP CHILD! Lift your eyes unto the hills! Your help comes from the Lord and if He made the heavens and the earth, He can certainly help you in your situation today.

When the world comes against you, LOOK UP CHILD!

When you don’t know how you will pay your bills, LOOK UP CHILD!

When you are facing a custody case and could lose your kids, LOOK UP CHILD!

When you are desperate for answers, LOOK UP CHILD!

You are NOT alone in your struggle single mom! Let me know if I can pray for you or walk with you through your journey.  You are never alone!

 

 

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

 

I have spent 18 years as a single mom. That is more than twice the amount of time that I was married. There have been good times, as well as, bad times. There have been moments when I felt like I was nailing this single mom thing and then there have been times when I knew without a doubt that my kids would need some serious counseling because of me. My kids aren’t kids any more. They are adults who are growing into their own lives. My youngest, Ty has 11 months until he is 18. It is a bitter sweet moment for me. I’m not going to lie, I have had moments when I wished my kid’s childhoods away. Times when I thought that life would be so much easier if they were all grown up. Have I done enough to get them through the challenges that they will face in life? I hope so. I tried. I have always made them my priority. Amid the failures, God has blessed me by being ever present in this single parent journey. I wanted to mark this bittersweet moment by reflecting on the lessons that I have learned as a single mom.

  1. I Have Learned How To Pray – Through the ups, downs, tears, tantrums (not just from the kids!), joys, sorrows, anger and overwhelming love, God has taught me to pray. Not just the run of the mill prayer list prayers, but deep, heart wrenching, conversational prayers that has drawn me closer to God. I have learned to listen to that soft whisper of the Holy Spirit. Prayer is everything. Prayer is the number one thing that draws us to the heart of God. As a single mom, prayer has truly become my life-line.
  2. I Have Learned To Have Faith – God has shown me many, many times that HE LOVES ME! God has also shown me that HE LOVES MY KIDS! He has answered prayer after prayer (some spoken, some unspoken) and He has provided for us in ways that are truly miracles to me. At times when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, God was there for me. There were many times when I felt God’s presence comforting me, wrapping me in that peace that only God can give us. I will admit that there are times when my faith wavers, but God knows my heart. My faith in God is what keeps me going when I want to give up.
  3. I Have Learned Life Lessons From My Kids – I have learned so many lessons from my kids as they have grown and matured into responsible, compassionate, loving adults. They never cease to amaze me. They have had their bumps, but they always bounce back and as I watch them become adults, I gain wisdom for my own journey. Click HERE to read a series of posts I wrote on lessons I have learned from my kids.
  4. I Have Learned That They Are All Different – As they have grown into adults, I have learned that my kids are all different. Once upon a time I thought that they would ALL go to college/tech school, have great careers and live a happy life. I have learned that life and purpose are not one size fits all. They have each taken different routes, as far as, school and work. They each have different passions, strengths and weaknesses. The other part of the lesson for me has been to allow them each to figure things out for themselves. I give advice, but ultimately they have to figure out what is right for them. So, I encourage them each to do what only they can do.
  5. I Have Learned That Quality Time Can Be Simple – When the kids were little, we ate dinner at the table. We would share how our days were, share positive insights about each other and laugh much. We would go to the park and have picnics. At times, simply being together was enough. We didn’t have to be doing anything exciting or expensive, sharing life seemed to be enough.
  6. I Have Learned That I Am An Example Of Jesus To My Kids – It took me forever to get it through my head that I am a role model for my kids. I am that person that they will emulate. I am that person that they will get their values from. I behaved badly in the first few years. I was wracked with anger, bitterness and overwhelming hopelessness. No excuses though. I was setting a horrible example for them. Thanks to my friend, the Holy Spirit, I finally figured it out and started to be a role model that they can emulate. Am I perfect? Not a chance! Do I mess up? Absolutely! Every day! But I try. I don’t always get it right, but with God by my side, I do my best and leave the rest to Him.
  7. I Have Learned That Kids Have Feelings Too – I never really considered how the divorce affected the kids. I was so caught up in my own feelings that I never considered that the kids were hurting too. I never considered that they might be confused or have fears of their own. I have learned that, but a little late. Our kids feel the same emotions adults do. We all to often dismiss our kids feelings, but I have learned that if we ignore those feelings they will manifest themselves physically and usually not in good ways. Our kids deserve to be heard.
  8. I Have Learned To Apologize – I have already said that I have made mistakes. My kids have seen me at my worst and I have learned that even moms need to apologize. It shows that we are human. If I expect my kids to feel remorse for a wrongdoing then they need to know that there are times when we need to apologize when we blow it.
  9. I Have Learned That My Kids Aren’t Perfect – If I’m not perfect, why do I expect my kids to be perfect? As parents, we all to often, expect our kids to be perfect, to never misbehave, and to never fail. Why do we do this? We aren’t perfect! We misbehave! We fail! Why do we put these unrealistic expectations on our kids? We want better for them, but placing unrealistic expectations on them creates unneeded stress. My kids have had hard times. They have made bad decisions. I have learned that I have to grant them room to grow and learn from their mistakes.
  10. I Have Learned The Art Of Surrender – In my single mom journey I have had broken down cars or no car, I have worried about my kids, I have lived in poverty and I have wondered how I will ever survive. It has not been easy. I have struggled with trying to control everything. I have placed unneeded stress and anxiety on myself by thinking that I had to control everything. There are some things beyond our control. I have had to learn to surrender the challenges to the only one who controls ALL things: GOD.

It has been one heck of a roller coaster ride! It isn’t over yet! I will always be a single mom. My kids may be adults, but they will always need me. I still have Ty to guide into adulthood. I’m sure that as they grow they will continue to teach me life lessons. You are never to old to learn and grow and my kids have been my best teachers. Thank you Cherokee, Kiowa, Cree, Talon and Ty. You five are my heart!

 

 

Read Full Post »

 

Proverbs 20:22

Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!”
    Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.

 

After my divorce, I was filled with anger. I felt like I was being abandoned. My hopes and dreams lay scattered at my feet and I was furious at my then husband for what was happening. I was full of rage and I was determined to pay back the wrong that had been done to me.

I’m sure you’ve been there, single mom. You are Filled with so much anger that it keeps you focused on that wrong that has been done to you. That rage takes your eyes and heart off of what’s important: your kids. It’s easy to get sucked into that hurt and anger. It is normal to feel that revenge will help you feel better. It is normal to want that person that caused you pain to suffer too.

I’m here to tell you, single mom, that revenge will NOT help you feel better. I won’t go into detail about my own childish behavior, but I will tell you that my actions left me feeling guilty about the example I had set for my kids. I regretted behaving that way in front of my kids and I felt like the worst mom in the world.

Did God avenge the wrong done to me? Well, sort of. In my situation, He changed my heart towards my now ex-husband. The more I trusted God and leaned on God, the more I felt my anger melt away. I still get angry at times, but I trust God to take care of the situation for me.

Your saying, “well, my ex-husband beat me, he deserves everything he gets.” That may be true, but your #1 priority has to be your kids. Allow God to work in the situation. He WILL fight for you. If you focus on your children and allow the Holy Spirit to melt that anger in your heart, God will protect you and fight for you. I am NOT saying to not fight for justice in your situation. If you have to take someone to court or get a protective order to protect yourselves and your kids, then absolutely do what you need to do to protect yourself and your children. I am saying to seek justice within the law and not seek revenge based on anger and rage. Our God is a God of justice and He will bring justice in your circumstance. You are a daughter of God, He loves you and He will fight for you.

My challenge to you: Allow the Holy Spirit to heal your spirit and melt the anger in your heart. There will still be times when something happens that makes you angry. If you need to seek justice within the law, then do so. Trust God to bring justice. Your kids need a mom who is at peace and is focused on doing what is best for them. Allow the peace of God to fill your home. Do not allow the anger and chaos of Satan to enter your home. Your kids feel what you feel. Let go of the hate and rage and trust God to work.

If you need prayer or an encouraging word, just drop me a line via my contact form. I am always here to help, my single mom friend!

Read Full Post »

standing-on-a-line

 

Mark 4:40

He said to his disciples, “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?”

I didn’t wake up one morning and decide that my life would be better as a single mom. I doubt that any of us was thrilled at the prospect of being a single mom, but that is where life has taken us and I for one was more than a little afraid. I was afraid of ending up homeless. I was afraid of losing my job, because my car broke down, again. I was afraid that I wouldn’t be a good enough mom. I was afraid that in my own messed up mental and emotional state that I would cause irreparable damage to my kids. I was afraid that I was in this single mom journey alone. I was scared and I felt like no one in the world cared if I failed.

It has not been easy. I still struggle paycheck to paycheck. In the effort of being transparent, 2015 was the first year I made $20,000.00. I live in poverty. I try to baby my car, because it seems to always be on the verge of breaking down. My kids are getting older and their lives are getting complicated, so I try to find the right words of wisdom to parent them by. My youngest is now 15 and I feel the nudging of the Holy Spirit calling me into a new season of life. Life as a single mom is a struggle. It has NEVER been easy. But, in that struggle I see the many ways that God has shown up as my heavenly Husband to provide for us and protect us. Even in the chaos, I see the blessings of God all around me and I am forever grateful that He has had mercy on this single mom.

I know that life as a single mom comes with a certain amount of fear. We are expected to provide and protect our children on our own. We look at families with two parents and think to ourselves, “how am I ever going to make this work?” You WILL make it work. We have too, because no one can do it for us. Our children depend on us to take care of them.

How can you make it work?

Trust the ONE who loves you. Trust the ONE who loves your children. Your heavenly Husband is waiting to take the burden off of your shoulders, if you will let Him. God can take those problems, those worries, those cares, those fears, that you have been carrying around and He will carry them for you. Trust Him to partner with you in this single mom life.

Psalm 34:4

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

If you have read any of my blog posts, you will see that worry is still something I struggle with. I am getting better at knowing what I can’t control and surrendering it to God. He is in control. He controls ALL things. Why worry about something that I can do nothing about? Sometimes, this is an hourly challenge; laying my worries and fears and the feet of the ONE who loves me. The peace I feel when I give it to God is immeasurable. Why do I insist on hanging onto something I can do nothing about? It just makes me crazy in the long run.

Have faith, single mom! Trust God in your struggle. Give the worries and fears to Him, even if it is minute by minute. Eventually, your faith will grow and you will begin to see that God IS faithful. My faith has grown. I am still a work in progress, but I have come a long way in the 16 years I have been a single mom.

My challenge to you: 

I want you to reflect on the question that Jesus asks His disciples, “Why are you so afraid?” I want you to list your fears, as a single mom, in a journal or a piece of paper and give them to God, one by one. Read the fear aloud and say, “I trust you, my heavenly Husband to take care of _________ and I surrender it to you.” If you would rather use your own words, go for it! The point is to let go of our fears and allow God to share the burden with us. He is our partner. A partner who will NEVER let us down.

 

 

Read Full Post »

princess

My granddaughter Ava is three years old. She has been in a princess phase for over a year now and likes to put on “princess dresses,” put on make-up and become princess Ava. I try to tell her that she is beautiful just the way she is, but her reply is always the same, “I’m a princess, Nana.” Yes, she is a princess. She is my princess Ava, daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Somehow, being a princess has become a negative thing in society. We associate being a princess with being a spoiled diva, or a bridezilla. I started thinking about the Disney princesses. They are not spoiled divas. They are women of character and, in a way, role models to girls Ava’s age. Below, I have listed five characteristics of a princess that are modeled by the Disney princesses:

  1. Courage– Mulan is a Chinese princess, who disguises herself as a man and takes her elderly father’s place in a time of war. Time and training make her a princess warrior and she is instrumental in helping her people win the war. Being a single mom can feel like you are in a war zone. The weight of the world is on your shoulders and one dropped ball can mean disaster. Single moms are courageous. Somehow, we manage to get things done and often alone. The saying is that it takes a village to raise a child. I know that many of you don’t have that village to give you encouragement and support. You keep going. Day after day, you keep going forward, often with no thanks or appreciation. This takes courage, single mom. YOU are a princess warrior!
  2. A Servant’s Heart– Cinderella has a true servant’s heart. When her evil stepmother and stepsisters make her do all the chores and treat her like a slave, she doesn’t complain. She does what is asked of her. Her heart aches, but still she doesn’t act out in anger. Cinderella continues to serve with a meekness of spirit and a servant’s heart. I have often felt like Cinderella in my single mom journey. As the single mom of five kids, 8 and under, I often felt like a slave. Trying to keep the house clean, just to have it look like a hurricane hit 10 minutes after the kids got home. I was judged because my house looked lived in and not like the cover of Good Housekeeping. Being a single mom means having a servant’s heart. It means serving our kids in love and knowing that we are shaping their character. It means not grumbling and griping about every little thing. It means cleaning up the spilled milk without making your child feel like a failure because it spilled. It means going to bed completely worn out from taking care of your kids. This too shall pass, single mom. The kids grow up and take on more responsibility. Be patient with your kids. Jesus, Himself, came to serve and not to be served (Matthew 20:28).
  3. Wisdom– Pocahontas and John Smith want to bring their two worlds together in peace. It doesn’t seem like it will ever happen. Pocahontas uses wisdom when she convinces her father to let John Smith go and to end the fighting between the two groups. She seeks guidance from Grandmother Willow and uses her wisdom to change her world for the better. Raising 5 kids, I have had many times when I needed to use wisdom to guide my kids in the right direction. Pocahontas sought guidance from Grandmother Willow, as I seek guidance from my heavenly Father. I have needed to use wisdom to keep the peace between my five strong-willed kids. I have needed wisdom in knowing how to guide them in becoming adults and dealing with adult issues. Single moms need to be wise. Wisdom comes from God. We need to seek guidance in every situation. We need to seek guidance before we make rash decisions in the heat of the moment. We have little ones depending on us to do what is right. That takes wisdom, single mom. If we want to change the world, it starts with our kids. We need to raise them, using the wisdom God gives us.
  4. Compassion– Belle is compassionate in her dealings with the beast. He terrifies her, but she compassionately nurses him back to health and treats him kindly, despite his appearance and his attitude. Being a single mom means being compassionate even when our kids are messy and cranky. We can’t always see what is going on beneath the surface of our kids attitudes, so we need to have compassion in order to find out what is really going on. Belle uncovered the gentle side of the beast because of her kindness and compassion. We can uncover the gentle side of our kids if we approach them with love and compassion.
  5. Hardworking– Tiana is a hardworking waitress who dreams of owning her own restaurant. Sound familiar, single mom? We work our fingers to the bone at outside jobs, go to school and take care of the household too. Hard work is what gets things done and bills paid. It seems like the work will never end, but it will. Never give up on your dreams. If you keep working, focused on what you want, your dreams will come true. Trust in God, the dream-giver.

You are a princess, single mom! You are a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! Remember that a true princess is not a spoiled brat, who expects to be waited on, but a woman of strong character and who carries herself with integrity. Your children are watching. Be a role model that they can emulate. When tough times hit, remember your princess status and act with grace and dignity. Easier said than done, I know. I mess up more than I like to admit, but I do my best and that’s what counts. Call on our heavenly Father in the struggle and He will give you the strength to make it through. He sees your struggle and wants nothing more than to help you, His daughter.

Read Full Post »

God is

It has been 15 years since my divorce. I am happy to say that I have grown in those years. I’m not perfect and I don’t always act like the “perfect” Christian woman. I am not the best mom, employee, ex-wife, daughter, or even the best nana. I am simply a woman doing my best. I am simply a single mom trying to raise my kids to love God and each other. It isn’t always easy. I sometimes feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders. There are times when I feel disconnected from God, abandoned to deal with life’s trials on my own. It is in those times that He shows up and shows me who He really is:

  1. Heavenly Husband (Isaiah 54:5)- In the first few years after my divorce, I threw quite a pity party for myself. Why did EVERYONE else have someone, but me? What was wrong with me? My husband didn’t want me after 7 1/2 years of marriage and no one else did either. God spoke to my heart and called me to Himself. I realized that there was not a man on this earth who could fill that hole in my heart. Only God could fill the empty hollows of my heart. It was at that time that I made a commitment to God. I made a commitment to only worry about growing in my relationship with Him, after all, this was the only relationship that really mattered. I have been faithful in that promise and God has been faithful as my Heavenly Husband. Don’t worry about finding your “soul mate” or “Mr. Right”. Don’t chase your tail, wasting your precious time on unworthy guys. The most important thing you can do is grow your relationship with God. Grow closer to God and then Mr. Right might find his way to your door or maybe God has simply called you to Himself.
  2. Provider (Matthew 6:26)- As my kids were growing up, I worked part-time jobs. I felt very strongly that my first job as a single mom was to be at home with my kids. In those years, God always provided. For years, when the kids were growing up, every time one of them would grow out of their clothes, some one would call with clothes that fit that child. Other times, bags would appear on the porch full of clothes that fit the child in need. We have never gone without our basic needs. I have struggled with keeping cars going, but God has always seen to it that we get from point A to point B. We have never been without food. Even at Christmas, we have had more than enough. I have always felt secure knowing that the God of ALL resources is looking out for me and my kids and will provide what we need. Take your needs to God and trust that He will provide for you. Worrying yourself sick is not doing you or your kids any good. Allow God to be God in your life. Remember, He has access to ALL the resources on earth and will use them to provide for you. Trust Him!
  3. Healer (Jeremiah 30:17)- The first few years after my divorce were hard. I was devastated. I sank into the pit of despair and could not see the light. It has taken some time, but God has healed me of the wounds. There are still times when things get to me. I am human and I have a sensitive heart. In those times, I feel the comforting arms of my God wrapped around me, letting me know that everything will be okay. I am okay. I can feel the emotion and then I let it go. The hurt and anger doesn’t have the hold on me as it once did. Healing is a process and can take years. Allow God to wrap you in His comforting arms. Allow Him to heal your broken heart. He is waiting single mom. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and open to the ONE who truly cares.
  4. Compassionate (Psalm 103:8)- Through the years I have felt like no one cares. I have reached out for help and was met by a slammed door. Even Christians can be judgemental and unwilling to help. When I felt like there was nowhere else to go God met me where I was. I didn’t have to bang the door down to get Him to help me. God in His compassion saw me and helped me. He saw me in my pain and came to me. He heard my cries for help and He answered my prayers. God is a God of compassion and He sees your tears. He hears your cries. He knows your pain. In His compassion, He will help you. When the people around us fail, God never will.
  5. Redeemer (Job 19:25)- MY REDEEMER LIVES!!! HIS NAME IS JESUS!!! God’s will is that we ALL be saved and that none should see the fires of Hell. Our ever loving and compassionate God sent His one and only Son to die a horrible death so that you and I should have eternal life with Him in Heaven. I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to lose a child. To have a child suffer and die would be beyond heartbreaking. If God is compassionate and is capable of loving us enough to allow His child to die for us, just imagine how heartbreaking it was for Him to allow His Son to suffer such cruelty. I don’t deserve God’s love. I don’t deserve His mercy. God didn’t care that we are and have always been an undeserving bunch of misfits. He chose to save us anyways. Why? He loves us that much. GOD LOVES YOU SINGLE MOM!!! Open your heart and embrace the love that He freely gives.

If you are a single mom and are struggling in this season of your life, I am here for you. Let me know how I can pray for you. You are not alone. We are in this together!

God loves you, single mom and so do I!

Read Full Post »

im not single

 

 

I was blessed to have an article published by Christian Women Online. To read the article click here.

 

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »