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Archive for the ‘My Daily Life’ Category

A Soul Longing For More

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , on August 8, 2013| 2 Comments »

lord-i-hunger-and-thirst-for-more-of-you

This is week one of an Online Bible Study through Proverbs 31 Ministries, “What Happens When Women Say Yes To God.” The OBS is based on the book by Lysa TerKeurst. I have been challenged this week to reflect on how we have become “so familiar with God yet so unaware.”

In this day and age, with pastors, ministry leaders, missionaries, etc. needing a seminary education, this world has become full of people who know the Bible inside and out. Biblical knowledge does not mean we have that heart level, intimate relationship with God. Even atheists, Satan worshipers, and cult leaders know the Bible backwards and forwards. Head knowledge does not mean heart felt.

Each of us longs for that intimate relationship with God. We each long to reach that heart level, to be infused with the Holy Spirit. I made a commitment at the beginning of the year to live this year more intentionally for Jesus. I have longed to go deeper in this relationship and to truly know what abiding in the vine (John 15:4) means. I have felt God calling me into a full-time ministry to women and I determined that this would be the year that I step out of my comfort zone, intentionally giving each day to God. There are some basic steps that I take that have allowed me to take my relationship with my heavenly Father to a deeper level:

1. Dig into God’s Word: We need to know what God’s Word says. Remember that even those who oppose God know the Bible. That makes it even more important for us, as Christians, to know what God says. I do not claim to be a Biblical expert. I can not rattle off scripture at, the drop of a hat, to someone in need. Each month I pick a book of the Bible that I want to dig into. I read the book, research commentaries, on-line resources, record in my journal the verses that “speak” to me, and pray over each verse. I want to get everything out of my study that I can. I have tried the read through the Bible in a year programs. They have left me empty. I have felt that I don’t have the time to really get into the material the way that I want to. Of course, there are books (Psalms, Genesis, Isaiah) that will take more than one month to study. Give yourself as much time as you need. The goal is not to see who can win the “how many times I’ve read the Bible” race, the goal is to have an understanding of the Word, so that it impacts your everyday life.

2. Pray without ceasing: I know that there are those people who can spend hours at a time in prayer. I am not this person! Being a single mom of 5, a new grandma, having a semi full-time job, starting a ministry, and trying to get items checked off my daily to-do list does not leave me hours to sit in prayer. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says to pray continually. I apply this verse to my life by being in prayer as I go through my life, whether at work or running errands. I pray for those I come across that are impatient, seem upset, the moms who are shopping while trying to corral children. I pray if I come across an accident or pass an emergency vehicle going somewhere. I praise when God blesses my day in some way and I pray when I’m upset about something. I sometimes find myself so engrossed in my conversation with God that I have tuned out other things.  I spend a few minutes in the morning surrendering the day to God and a few minutes at night thanking God for the blessings of the day. I spend time praying over my kids and family. I pray when I am studying God’s Word. I, also listen to what He has to tell me. This isn’t a one sided conversation.

3. Gathering together: It is important to gather together with other Christians. Most of us get that through regular church attendance. With my work schedule I sometimes get to church every other week, but sometimes not even then. I have been blessed with a job in a local convent, so I am around Christian women on a regular basis. I have also decided that I will start attending a local Christian Women’s Club (StoneCroft Ministries) this month, so I can fellowship with other Christian women. I know that I have to be creative in finding ways to gather together with other believers.

4. Stepping out of my comfort zone: I know that God wants me to partner with Him in a ministry to women. I have let fear and lack of self-confidence keep me from walking this out. I started this blog as a first step. Starting this blog was easy though, because I have always loved to write! God has blessed my obedience. I have had my first article accepted for publication by an online christian magazine. YAY! I am not sure what my next steps are, but I am ready to say Yes! regardless of what God asks me to do.

5. Cultivate my heart: I am always aware of the condition of my heart. I am not perfect and many, many times God has to deal with the issues of my heart. I have to spend time weeding the garden of my heart. When God convicts me of something I have to immediately deal with that, so that weed does not take root and choke out the good seed of my heart.

Jesus is always on my heart and mind. I admit, there are times when others may not see Jesus in me, but He is there. We have to make the decision to live our lives more intentionally for God. We need to put God first in our lives. If you are having a difficult time finding time for Jesus, I am here to help. Contact me and together we can walk this out. You are in my heart, sister friend! I would love to hear from you!

 

 

 

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Living with Diabetes

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , , , on July 19, 2013| Leave a Comment »

prayers-for-healing-cancer

 

 

Philippians 4:13

I can do EVERYTHING through him who gives me strength.

I have been a diagnosed type 2 diabetic for 3 years now. If you are not a diabetic, let me tell you that diabetes is a chronic illness that consumes your life. It is a constant struggle with maintaining glucose (blood-sugar) levels, constantly having to analyze when and what you eat, staying away from sugar/carbs in a sugar/carb obsessed world, losing weight, and facing the fact that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life. I did well and lost 45 lbs. my first year. I still do okay, but I often feel completely overwhelmed and when I look at the fact that I am only 43 and am living with what could be considered a life and death disease (depending on how it is maintained) I feel completely unable to maintain this disease alone. I am scared that I will die before my kids are all grown. I feel guilty when I eat a candy bar, ice cream or other sugar. I feel completely unable to discipline myself  to exercise and eat right. I feel totally helpless right now.

This is something I will always struggle with. I know that I can not deal with this illness on my own. I am not strong enough or disciplined enough on my own. I have to believe that through Christ, who died for me, I have the strength the conquer this thing. I have to be willing to surrender this illness to God, who is in control of ALL things. I am weak, but He is strong!

If you are overwhelmed in any area of your life, surrender the situation to God. God is so good and merciful to meet us where we are. God loves you and wants to walk this journey with you. He never expects us to struggle alone. Cry out to Him, tell him your struggles. He already knows, He just wants to hear it from us. I will be walking this path with you. Remember, my friend, you are never alone!

Dearest Jesus,

I am coming to you now, to surrender this struggle with diabetes. I am admitting, what you already know, that I am to weak to carry this load alone. I need you! I need you to help me do what I need to do to live a healthy long life. On my own, I am weak, but with you beside me, I am strong. I thank you and praise you for loving me enough to carry the load of diabetes with me. I trust you completely and I never want to live without you!

Amen

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Babies and Bi-Focals

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , , , on July 9, 2013| Leave a Comment »

I know it’s been a couple of months since I posted. Those couple of months have been eventful and have left me reflecting on life and God’s will for mine. I am facing a new season of my life and it has left me excited and scared about where God is leading.

babies

I started having to face the fact that I’m not getting any younger last year when my oldest daughter, Cherokee, graduated high school. In October I was completely unprepared to hear that I was going to be a grandma. In March, Cherokee and Nick were married. Last month, Kiowa graduated high school and is making that transition into adulthood. On June 8th, I turned 43! 43! WOW! On June 13th, my beautiful granddaughter Ava Rose was born and I became grammy to this precious baby girl. Well, you might think that would be enough to convince me that I’m getting older, but God seemed to think I needed another reminder. I have been having a hard time focusing when I read. I have had a hard time seeing the small print of my Bible. I love to read, so when I was forced to change the font on my kindle so I could actually read the print, I knew it was time to go to the eye doctor. As a diabetic, I know how important eye care is. I knew bi-focals were a probability, but until the eye doctor actually said I needed bi-focals, I was able to live in denial.

readingowl

 

 

I can’t live in denial anymore. I am entering a new season of life. I still have dependent children at home, but I know that my life has shifted and God is preparing me to answer the call He has placed on my life to encourage and minister to women. I now have a choice in how to accept this realization that I am getting older. I can either kick, scream and deny this reality or I can accept it with grace and look with excited expectation at what God has planned for my future.

Entering a new season of life is never easy. We may be fearful of the changes that are coming. We may feel a sense of loss when we realize that changes sometimes mean losing those things or people that are near and dear to us. Believe me, I know it isn’t easy, but God wants to walk through this transition with you. God wants to give you a peace that only He can give. God knows what the future holds for us and He loves us enough to walk through this new season with us. There is never any reason to fear the future. Trust God to work ALL things out for you. Your heavenly Father is waiting, with a hand held out to you. Take His hand and step into this new season together.

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A Reflection For Mother’s Day

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , on May 8, 2013| 3 Comments »

cat love

 

 

Proverbs 22:6

Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.

My thought as Mother’s Day approaches is: have I done my best? Have I done everything possible to raise them up to be Christ followers? I worry sometimes that I have made to many mistakes, that I haven’t been a good enough mom, that I have harmed them in some irreparable way that I will never be able to fix. My two oldest daughters,19 and 18 respectively, have a relationship with God, but are still figuring things out. I watch them and wish they would embrace Jesus with all of their hearts. I can’t force this on them. I worry that I have not given them enough information about Jesus, for them to want a relationship with him. I worry that I have not been the role model of a Godly woman that I should be.

I know they are not perfect, but there are times when they are fighting and screaming at each other that I wonder if I’ve done something horribly wrong. There are times when they are selfish, mean, disobedient, defiant, and rebellious that I think, is this what I have modeled to them? Is this what I have taught them? It scares me, because this is not how I want them to be. This is not how I want to be. I want them to see Jesus in me. This is what I strive for, but I wonder if it is enough.

Then in his mercy, God gives me a glimpse into the core of their hearts:

Cherokee, my 19 year old daughter, is expecting my first grandchild in mid-June. Cherokee usually listens to secular music, but one day when running errands with her, I noticed her car radio on WBGL, our local christian radio station. I commented on it and she said, ” well, I don’t want my child listening to that other stuff.”

Earlier in the school year, Kiowa, my 18 year old daughter, noticed that an autistic boy in her school was being bullied by a group of boys. Kiowa stood up for him and took him under her wing. She reported it to the teacher, nothing was done. She went to the dean of students, nothing was done. She then, wrote a very well written letter to the principal, telling her the entire story. The principal called Kiowa in to her office to hear from her what was going on. Something was done and the bullying ended. Kiowa was called a snitch from then on, but it was a name she wore proudly.

Cree, my 16 year daughter, is a student leader in her youth group. She has a heart for the hurting kids in her group. Many of them come to her with questions about Jesus and being saved. They look up to her and she is a role model for them.

Talon is my oldest son. He is 13 and like Kiowa, he is a protector of those who are bullied. Last week, another 6th grader was being put in the trash can by another student. Talon happened to be in the restroom where this was taking place. Talon grabbed the bully and shoved him away. Talon then helped the kid out of the trash can and they went their separate ways. Talon also has a heart for serving others. We will often find him helping others mow their grass, shoveling snow, or giving bottles of water to the mail carrier in the middle of the Summer.

Ty, my 11 year old is very active. I never really know what is going on in his mind. About a month ago, he came up to me and asked, “Would Jesus tell on someone?” I told him that Jesus doesn’t have to tell on anyone because he was able to deal with things on his own. Ty proceeded to tell me that a boy in his class had pushed him and Ty did tell. I told him that it was okay to tell, because sometimes we need help dealing with situations like that. I thought it was great that he wanted to know what Jesus would do in that situation.

I was grateful that God would give me these wonderful glimpses into the hearts of my children. I do worry at times and there are times when I feel completely helpless in parenting, but this verse comes with a promise: If we train up our children in the way they should go, when they are old they will not depart from it. We all make mistakes, but if we do our best to raise up Godly children then we can trust God with the rest. Our children may wander from the path, they may turn away from God for a time, but God will bring them back. This is his promise, if we do our part.

My daily prayer is for wisdom, patience, perseverance, and God’s grace as I parent my 5 children. They are all unique individuals, responding to different ways of correction. With God beside me, I apologize when I mess up and move on. I make mistakes, but I trust God to use those mistakes for our good. Trust God to walk beside you in this journey of parenting. He will give you the wisdom, patience, perseverance and grace that you need in parenting your children. God is ALWAYS with us…ALWAYS!

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Still in the Potter’s Hand

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , on March 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »

potters hands

 

I recently read two books written by a missionary by the name of Kim Abernethy. These two books (In This Place & In Every Place) chronicle the years her family spent in service primarily in West Africa. What I have loved about these books is Kim’s candid observations on the condition of her own spirit and her willingness to give us a glimpse of her struggles with pride, despondency, burn-out, anger, brokenness, and simply a sense of being out of control. It was a refreshing look into a missionary’s heart.

We often make the mistake of putting missionaries, pastors, and other ministry leaders on a pedestal, imposing on them a false image of perfection. This isn’t fair to those in christian service, because they, then feel they have to hide their imperfections or lose the support of others. This isn’t fair to anyone else either, because we will compare ourselves to others in christian ministry, decide we don’t measure up and give up the call on our lives. What Kim made me realize is that even those in a ministry position are not perfect and are not immune to emotional breakdowns and tantrums.

This was actually a much needed revelation for me. I have felt a call on my life to missionary service since I was a little girl. As an adult I believed Satan’s lies that I couldn’t become a missionary because:

I am not good enough

I’m not spiritual enough

I don’t have biblical training

I don’t know enough about the Bible

I’m a sinner

I’m divorced and a single mom

I will never be able to support my kids as a missionary

All of these lies have kept me from answering God’s call on my life. I believed that until I got my issues under control I could not be used in ministry. My heavenly Father knows my weaknesses: my need to control my circumstances and my impatience in waiting on Him to work. I hate to wait! I constantly have to ask myself, “is this of God or am I controlling things again?”  In his loving way, he either shuts the door if it’s not from him or he let’s me suffer the consequences of my impatience. If I had to get myself together before he could use me, it would never happen! The same goes for ALL of us! It is a constant struggle and something I deal with on a daily basis.

I finally had a heart encounter with God and I know who I am in his eyes. I am His Beloved…and although I am imperfect and sometimes a mess, through his grace, he can and will use me. If we are willing, he can and will use us all. I am so glad that my trusted Savior is always willing to prune, refine and mold me into something usable. He never gives up on me. I may be broken, but I’m still in the Potter’s hand.

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Giggles in the Night

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , , , on March 12, 2013| 3 Comments »

moon-night1

 

As I was laying in bed last night, waiting for slumber, I heard the sounds of giggling coming from Kiowa and Cree, in the next room. As I listened to the soft banter and the childlike giggles of my 18 and 16 year old daughters, I was reminded that, as much as I delight in these daughters of mine, even more so does my heavenly Father delight in me. In my journey of parenting 5 children, I have shared the joy of achievement with them and I have shed tears of sorrow with them. I have laughed with them, wrung my hands in frustration and even yelled in anger. Through all the emotions of parenting, I have loved them deeply and always will. Through the emotional highs and lows of parenting my own kids, I have been reminded of God’s tender mercies in parenting me. I have been reminded of how God deals with me when I frustrate, disappoint and even anger him. He is always tender in his discipline, gentle in his rebuke and even when I have to suffer the consequences of my own actions, I know my Father in heaven loves me so much that he has counted every hair on my head. He convicts my spirit firmly, but is careful not to wound my heart.

My question to myself when disciplining my kids is, “is this how God disciplines me? Am I showing the same gentle correction to them that God has shown me?”  I don’t ever want to wound my children’s hearts. I want to encourage them always, even when having to discipline them. I am tempted to tell the girls to go to sleep, but decide I would rather fall asleep listening to the giggles in the night.

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Reflections From a Wedding

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , on March 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

nick and rosie

 

As I sat in the second row watching my radiant Cherokee repeating her vows, I couldn’t help but think back to just a year ago when things were so different. Still a senior in high school, she had planned on going to nursing school and having a career. She graduated from high school in May as a member of the national honor society, with a 3.5 GPA. She started school in August, but soon realized that nursing wasn’t for her. She struggled to find where she fit and didn’t know what she wanted to do.  My strong, independent, goal oriented Cherokee seemed to be lost. That was my perception. She had been dating Nick off and on for a year at that point. I knew they spent a lot of time together, but never thought it was that serious at this point. There were some issues that needed to be worked out, so I was shocked in early October at the news that she was pregnant. She had always been a purity ring wearing God-girl and even though she was struggling in her relationship with God, I never imagined that my 19 year old Cherokee would be announcing that she was pregnant. She had just graduated high school and started college. I was shocked, but never stopped encouraging her. She left school in December and she and Nick were married on Saturday. Her desire is to be a housewife and mother. So different from this time last year, when we still shared the same dreams.

I am not sharing this with you to lament on a young life gone wrong. I learned a valuable lesson on this journey called parenthood and I hope my lesson will help others in there own journey. I realized that in my desire to help her nail down a career path I was pushing her into areas she didn’t want to go. I have had to let go of my expectations and let her live her own life and make her own decisions. She is still an intelligent, independent, strong-willed young woman and I don’t think the essence of who she is will ever change. She made a decision that changed her life, but God still has her life in his hand and he will still use her in this life. God works everything for the good for those who love him and my granddaughter is a good thing.

God has a way of taking difficult situations in our lives and turning them into our ministry. Cherokee is happy. If God has given her the desire to be a housewife and mom, then I will trust that he will equip her for that ministry. I have never seen her so beautiful! Marriage and motherhood agree with her.

Things have changed for this daughter of mine. Her path has changed and her journey will take her in a different direction than we expected, but she and Nick have a long blessed life ahead of them and a little miss Ava Rose to look forward to introducing to the world. God is in control and this young couple will be okay.

I learned that my job as a parent to her now is to love her, even when her decisions aren’t ones that I would have made and always, always pray for her. I will always be here to encourage her and support her through whatever direction her life takes. Our children will make some decisions that we don’t agree with, our children will sin, our children will show their imperfect sides to the world at times. It’s going to happen, as it does with all of us. We need to quit expecting our kids to be perfect and cut them some slack when they mess up. WE ALL mess up! Why do we come down so hard on our kids when we are imperfect ourselves? Love our kids, encourage them to live for God, and when they are less than perfect, that is the time to love them even more.

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A graduate, a bride, and a baby

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , , , on February 27, 2013| Leave a Comment »

Kiowa.

 

At this moment, I am propped up on my bed fighting a nasty cold. Normally, I would be in the prayer room, but my body said otherwise. I needed this day of rest and am actually glad to have this time to catch you up on my crazy life. Monday was Kiowa’s last day of high school. I’m not sure what she is going to do. She wants to start a running group, so she may do that. She is young and her life is a blank canvas. She just has to choose the colors she wants and paint her life the way she wants it (or hopefully, the way God wants it…). The other big news, is that Cherokee is getting married Saturday. Her boyfriend, Nick, graduated Friday from basic training with the United States Marine Corps. They will get married Saturday and then he will be gone again Tuesday night. They found out that they are expecting a girl, so our little Ava Rose Fields will be making her appearance in mid June. I am so excited to be a grandma!

rosie wedding

On a more emotional level and because I promised to share the good, the bad and the ugly…I have to tell you that this wedding has been somewhat difficult for  me. Not because I don’t like Nick. I do. Cherokee and I have always been close. I am close to all of my kids, but Cherokee is the first born and she will be leaving, as soon as Nick is done with school and stationed somewhere. She and the baby will be leaving. This has been hard for me. I also, at times, struggle with the fact that she chose to live with his parents when she left school in December. She chose to live with his parents and live with the baby there until they can join Nick. In all honesty, I have dealt with the green-eyed monster called jealousy. I have had moments where I felt like Cherokee loves them more, moments when I felt like they get all the important news first, because they are “better” parents. I have found myself comparing myself to them and coming up short. Now you know…God has been dealing with me on this issue and I refuse to let the enemy wedge his way between myself and my daughter. He would love nothing more than to break this relationship and have victory. I won’t let that happen. I am aware of Satan’s tactics and I love my daughter and grand-daughter to much to let Satan win. I love my soon to be son-in-law too, and am proud of his accomplishments! I can’t say that I won’t have these feelings in the future, but I know where they stem from and I know that I have control over those feelings as long as the Holy Spirit dwells within me. I am not consumed with jealousy to the point where it would tear apart our relationship, but there are moments when something triggers that feeling and then I feel it for a day or so and then with God’s help let it go. I can’t allow myself to dwell on those feelings.

ava cute side

I will cherish the time I do have with Cherokee and Ava Rose and then when the time comes I will release them and know that God is with them and is guiding them into His purpose for their lives. He has a plan and a purpose and I, as a loving mother, need to get out of the way, as hard as that is to do. I need to trust that God loves my children even more than I do and will protect them when I can’t.

My kids are growing up and that means that I am growing older and prayerfully, wiser. I have made many mistakes along this path of parenthood, but I have done my best to raise my kids to be men and women of God. I trust that God will take my mistakes and use them for the good. As they spread their wings to fly solo, all we can do is train them up in the way they should go and trust God with the rest. Am I done parenting these two? I don’t think our jobs as parents ever end, but somehow, I think we transition into a friendship with our grown children that says, “I am here for you as a parent, but I will respect you enough to let you live your life as a friend.” The transition is never easy and I pray that God will give me the grace to listen as a friend, before I act like a parent as my children grow into their own lives.

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