Patti Burris

Psalm 39:6

“Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;

in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth without knowing whose it will finally be.”

According to http://www.dictionary.search.yahoo.com, a phantom is: 1. Something apparently seen, heard, or sensed, but having no physical reality; a ghost or apparition. 2. An image that appears only in the mind; an illusion.

I find myself rushing around, impatient for God’s perfect timing. I try to control my own purpose, my own destiny. You would think that after years of getting nowhere on my own, that I would learn to stop trying to control everything and allow God’s will to be done. No, I still find myself trying to control my purpose. I cry out to God, “Why can’t I serve you full-time like I want to?” “What’s wrong with me?” “Why don’t you want to use me?” I admit to throwing an occasional pity party for myself. When I hear other people talking about how God is using them in this ministry or that ministry, I get a bit envious. Yep, the green eyed monster rears it’s head and God has to gently rebuke me and bring me back to my senses.

Do I rush around like a mere phantom? Sometimes, I do. Taking online Bible classes, jumping into another ministry opportunity, trying to look more “religious”, so those in leadership positions will see what a great christian I am. It isn’t material wealth that I try to heap up, it is religious acknowledgement. I am trying to gain attention for myself. It doesn’t work and no one has noticed, because I am focused on the wrong thing. I am focused on me and I need to let go of everything and simply sit at the feet of Jesus. This week I have gotten back to the basics:

Morning:

Writing in a prayer journal using the Lord’s prayer as an outline

Reading a daily devotional

Evening:

Reading a daily portion of a Read the Bible in a Year program

Journal about my day, if anything has happened that I feel I need to journal about

It is this simple. Simply focusing on my relationship with God and letting go of my need to find my purpose. My ministry is where I am right now. My ministry is this blog. My ministry is my job. I have surrendered my need to control things and am learning to slow down and enjoy where I am. I can hear God breathing a sigh of relief and saying, “finally!” I am simply taking life one day at a time. No more rushing around for me. I am going to focus on serving where I am and on God. This is an ongoing battle, but I know with God, I CAN win it!