Patti Burris

When the kids were growing up, I always insisted that all 5 of them would go to college. I did not do well in school. I hated it and finally graduated from an adult school when I was 20. I did make a couple of attempts at college and finally earned an associates degree in 2011, just before my 41st birthday. I wanted more for my kids and always pushed them to value their education.

I always assumed that they would want college as much as I wanted it for them. As they have started to grow into adulthood, I have realized that I may have to change my expectations.

My 20 year old daughter, Cherokee, graduated from high school in 2012 as a member of the National Honor Society. She had taken several AP classes in high school and was on her way to college. She did start college in the Fall of 2012. She was going to apply for nursing school and become a pediatric nurse or a medical missionary. That was the plan. Almost immediately, she started to falter. She realized that she doesn’t like hospitals or needles. She really did not have any idea of what she wanted to do. In October, she found out she was pregnant and left school after one semester. She talks about returning to a community college. She is intelligent, independent, and motivated and I have no doubt that she will figure it all out. At this moment, she is working and focused on being mommy to a beautiful baby girl.

My 18 year old daughter, Kiowa, has surprised me by being the one who is in college now. My surprise is only because Kiowa has always hated school. She is smart, but academics has not come easy for her. She graduated high school this past June (2013) and started classes at our local community college in August. She is majoring in visual communications. She wants to do video in a news room. I think this college experience will open many doors for her and I think she will stick with it. She still struggles academically, but she is determined. She is the one I didn’t think I’d see in college and she is the one who will make it work.

My 17 year old daughter, Cree, is a lot like Cherokee. She has always done well in school. She is taking AP classes as a junior in high school, but has no idea what she wants to go to college for. She loves art and is a budding artist, but isn’t sure if that’s really what she wants to go to school for. I sat down with her and we discussed her options. As I have become enlightened, I have realized that college is not for everyone. Some people will never go or simply need some time to experience the world. As my girls have become young adults and have struggled to find themselves, I have discovered that 18 is such a young age to know what you want to do with the rest of your life. Cree is a student leader in her youth group at church. She loves the camps and retreats. She went on a week long camping trip to a youth center in Colorado in June and loved it. She loved Colorado. She is seriously considering doing a year long internship at the center when she graduates high school. I think this would be a great experience for her.

I have two sons Talon, 13 and Ty 11. My sons are not academically inclined. Talon is doing well in 7th grade, but does not like school. He talks about college, but time will tell. Talon likes to fix things and build things. Ty loves cars and nothing else. They both love being outdoors. I am excited to see what the future holds for these two sons of mine.

My kids have taught me these last couple of years not to push my own agenda on them. I want the best for them, but they need to find out for themselves who they are and what they want to do with their lives. Even if they make mistakes. I need to allow them to spread their wings and fly. It is a hard thing for a mom to do. I hate sitting back and watching a potential train wreck. I want to run to them waving a red flag in warning. We can’t always do that. At some point we have to let them choose their own path. They know that I am always here for them, but I can not live their lives for them. At some point I need to place them lovingly into the strong hands of our heavenly Father and trust that He will guide them in their journey through life. This does not happen without tears being shed. I am excited to see what great things they will do, but I also want to hold them close and protect them from the pain of the world. College is not everything. Life is a classroom and sometimes we learn our most important lessons there.