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Posts Tagged ‘hanging on to God’

kiowahome

I haven’t written in about 6 weeks. It has been a crazy, busy time and still is. I am tired. Life has a way of changing and we have to change with it or we will go crazy. I am trying to find peace in these changes. I am trying to trust God with my future. I will write more about that in my next post, but for now I will catch you up on the last 6 weeks.

Early May was not a great time for me emotionally or mentally. I went through what Mother Teresa called a dark night of the soul. I felt disconnected from God and quite frankly, my mind! I did nothing but cry and I felt like I was going crazy. I was in a dark place and at one horrible moment broke down in front of my daughter and said that I just wanted to kill myself. Would I really? No. I hope I would never get to where I really considered it. But, I understand how the mind can go to a place that dark and you have no control over it. I forced myself to maintain my daily Bible reading and my prayer life. Sometimes those prayers were simply, “God, help me.” I’ve been praying a lot of those lately. God answered that prayer through a Facebook post. It was an article on how Satan attacks the mind to keep us from God and our God given purpose. WOW! I now knew how to fight back and I changed my prayers into rebuking Satan and letting him know that he would not get my mind!!! I feel better. I am still emotionally and mentally tired. God is asking me to trust Him like never before with my future and I feel overwhelmed. But, more of that later.

My daughter Cree was married on May 27th. Cree is 20 and going into her Junior year majoring in Elementary Education. She is so young. I pray that they will put Jesus in the center of their marriage and future family and that they will live out love and grace. The wedding was beautiful. She was beautiful. Cree married Antony, a 22 year old Mechanical Engineering Major from Egypt. God bless this marriage.

Another event was Kiowa getting to come home from Japan for the wedding. Kiowa is my 22 year old Airman. She has been stationed in Japan since April of 2016. We had not seen her in 14 months. She was here for 3 wonderful weeks and has now returned to Japan for another 9 1/2 months and then possibly moving on to S. Korea. It was so great to have her home. I am glad that she was able to be a part of her sisters wedding. My kids have always been close. I think they always will be.

God still speaks to me through every day events. He lets me know that He is always near. Even in the darkest moments, he has not left us. He has promised that He will never leave us nor forsake us and that’s a promise I am holding Him to. I don’t know what the future will hold, but I do know that I will continue to hold fast to my God and my loving Savior Jesus.

 

 

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