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Archive for March, 2013

Still in the Potter’s Hand

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , on March 12, 2013| Leave a Comment »

potters hands

 

I recently read two books written by a missionary by the name of Kim Abernethy. These two books (In This Place & In Every Place) chronicle the years her family spent in service primarily in West Africa. What I have loved about these books is Kim’s candid observations on the condition of her own spirit and her willingness to give us a glimpse of her struggles with pride, despondency, burn-out, anger, brokenness, and simply a sense of being out of control. It was a refreshing look into a missionary’s heart.

We often make the mistake of putting missionaries, pastors, and other ministry leaders on a pedestal, imposing on them a false image of perfection. This isn’t fair to those in christian service, because they, then feel they have to hide their imperfections or lose the support of others. This isn’t fair to anyone else either, because we will compare ourselves to others in christian ministry, decide we don’t measure up and give up the call on our lives. What Kim made me realize is that even those in a ministry position are not perfect and are not immune to emotional breakdowns and tantrums.

This was actually a much needed revelation for me. I have felt a call on my life to missionary service since I was a little girl. As an adult I believed Satan’s lies that I couldn’t become a missionary because:

I am not good enough

I’m not spiritual enough

I don’t have biblical training

I don’t know enough about the Bible

I’m a sinner

I’m divorced and a single mom

I will never be able to support my kids as a missionary

All of these lies have kept me from answering God’s call on my life. I believed that until I got my issues under control I could not be used in ministry. My heavenly Father knows my weaknesses: my need to control my circumstances and my impatience in waiting on Him to work. I hate to wait! I constantly have to ask myself, “is this of God or am I controlling things again?”  In his loving way, he either shuts the door if it’s not from him or he let’s me suffer the consequences of my impatience. If I had to get myself together before he could use me, it would never happen! The same goes for ALL of us! It is a constant struggle and something I deal with on a daily basis.

I finally had a heart encounter with God and I know who I am in his eyes. I am His Beloved…and although I am imperfect and sometimes a mess, through his grace, he can and will use me. If we are willing, he can and will use us all. I am so glad that my trusted Savior is always willing to prune, refine and mold me into something usable. He never gives up on me. I may be broken, but I’m still in the Potter’s hand.

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Giggles in the Night

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , , , on March 12, 2013| 3 Comments »

moon-night1

 

As I was laying in bed last night, waiting for slumber, I heard the sounds of giggling coming from Kiowa and Cree, in the next room. As I listened to the soft banter and the childlike giggles of my 18 and 16 year old daughters, I was reminded that, as much as I delight in these daughters of mine, even more so does my heavenly Father delight in me. In my journey of parenting 5 children, I have shared the joy of achievement with them and I have shed tears of sorrow with them. I have laughed with them, wrung my hands in frustration and even yelled in anger. Through all the emotions of parenting, I have loved them deeply and always will. Through the emotional highs and lows of parenting my own kids, I have been reminded of God’s tender mercies in parenting me. I have been reminded of how God deals with me when I frustrate, disappoint and even anger him. He is always tender in his discipline, gentle in his rebuke and even when I have to suffer the consequences of my own actions, I know my Father in heaven loves me so much that he has counted every hair on my head. He convicts my spirit firmly, but is careful not to wound my heart.

My question to myself when disciplining my kids is, “is this how God disciplines me? Am I showing the same gentle correction to them that God has shown me?”  I don’t ever want to wound my children’s hearts. I want to encourage them always, even when having to discipline them. I am tempted to tell the girls to go to sleep, but decide I would rather fall asleep listening to the giggles in the night.

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Reflections From a Wedding

Posted in My Daily Life, tagged , , , on March 6, 2013| Leave a Comment »

nick and rosie

 

As I sat in the second row watching my radiant Cherokee repeating her vows, I couldn’t help but think back to just a year ago when things were so different. Still a senior in high school, she had planned on going to nursing school and having a career. She graduated from high school in May as a member of the national honor society, with a 3.5 GPA. She started school in August, but soon realized that nursing wasn’t for her. She struggled to find where she fit and didn’t know what she wanted to do.  My strong, independent, goal oriented Cherokee seemed to be lost. That was my perception. She had been dating Nick off and on for a year at that point. I knew they spent a lot of time together, but never thought it was that serious at this point. There were some issues that needed to be worked out, so I was shocked in early October at the news that she was pregnant. She had always been a purity ring wearing God-girl and even though she was struggling in her relationship with God, I never imagined that my 19 year old Cherokee would be announcing that she was pregnant. She had just graduated high school and started college. I was shocked, but never stopped encouraging her. She left school in December and she and Nick were married on Saturday. Her desire is to be a housewife and mother. So different from this time last year, when we still shared the same dreams.

I am not sharing this with you to lament on a young life gone wrong. I learned a valuable lesson on this journey called parenthood and I hope my lesson will help others in there own journey. I realized that in my desire to help her nail down a career path I was pushing her into areas she didn’t want to go. I have had to let go of my expectations and let her live her own life and make her own decisions. She is still an intelligent, independent, strong-willed young woman and I don’t think the essence of who she is will ever change. She made a decision that changed her life, but God still has her life in his hand and he will still use her in this life. God works everything for the good for those who love him and my granddaughter is a good thing.

God has a way of taking difficult situations in our lives and turning them into our ministry. Cherokee is happy. If God has given her the desire to be a housewife and mom, then I will trust that he will equip her for that ministry. I have never seen her so beautiful! Marriage and motherhood agree with her.

Things have changed for this daughter of mine. Her path has changed and her journey will take her in a different direction than we expected, but she and Nick have a long blessed life ahead of them and a little miss Ava Rose to look forward to introducing to the world. God is in control and this young couple will be okay.

I learned that my job as a parent to her now is to love her, even when her decisions aren’t ones that I would have made and always, always pray for her. I will always be here to encourage her and support her through whatever direction her life takes. Our children will make some decisions that we don’t agree with, our children will sin, our children will show their imperfect sides to the world at times. It’s going to happen, as it does with all of us. We need to quit expecting our kids to be perfect and cut them some slack when they mess up. WE ALL mess up! Why do we come down so hard on our kids when we are imperfect ourselves? Love our kids, encourage them to live for God, and when they are less than perfect, that is the time to love them even more.

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