Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Posts Tagged ‘where I belong’

 

I know that I have written about my struggle with the Church in previous posts. I have visited a hand full of churches since our departure in January of 2011 and have gone periods where I didn’t go at all. I have grown immensely in this time, but I have missed the fellowship with other believers. I have missed the community.

I am going back! I started going to church with Cherokee and her family before I moved to Georgia, but did not get to go on a regular basis because of my work schedule. When I returned from Georgia, I was determined to make a commitment to a church. Of course Covid-19 through my plan off a bit and I had to wait until the church reopened in late June. I have gone with Cherokee, Chris and the kids and it is good. Some things are strange like having to make reservations, wearing masks and no other classes or services right now, but it is good to be able to go.

I felt God leading me to make a formal commitment and so I emailed the pastor and will be going through the process to become a member. This pastor was completely welcoming and he has only met me a couple of times in the past. It was a change from a past church that we attended as a family for 6 years. The church we left in 2011 and were fully involved in. I began the process to become a member there, but was then ignored. There were other issues that led to us making the tough decision to leave the church, but it hurt me when we had been actively involved for 6 years and I was overlooked for membership when others were welcomed as members at the same time. The pastor and I had been in communication about membership and then I was ignored, while others became members. I was crushed. So it is, I guess healing in a way, to have a pastor welcome me into a church family without knowing me personally.

It is good to be obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit. It brings peace. Even though my relationship with God has grown in my years away from the Church, I still felt lost. I have felt a restlessness, a disconnect of sorts that I can only assume comes from not being connected to a local body of believers to share life and faith with. It is important. I tried to fool myself into thinking it wasn’t, but it is. It is vital to have other believers in your life. I have felt a peace since I sent the email to the pastor. I have felt like I have finally found my “home”. I belong. I can’t wait until we can resume classes and other programs. I can’t wait to get to know other people who attend there.

Life is full of blessings! Some hardships, but many many blessings!

Read Full Post »

providence

 

One week from today, I will begin my journey to becoming a Providence Associate. I actually started this journey 5 years ago, but I still had growing to do. I have always been an introvert. I have always been one to hide behind others. I don’t allow myself to get to close to anyone, because they might see the “real” me and reject me. Any time I start to get to close to a group of people, I panic and run. I have dealt with social anxieties all my life. This journey is going to push me out of my comfort zone. It will cause some discomfort. Growing often causes discomfort. It is going to cause me to open up and really trust people with the secrets of my heart. I am here for a reason. I have to trust the Providence of God.

During these last 5 1/2 years of working with the Sisters, I have felt myself open up and dare to trust. They have loved me through good and bad. They have encouraged me when they knew I was tired or down. They have prayed for me and they have spoken words of wisdom when I needed to hear it. God has used these women numerous times to bring me a sense of peace when life was difficult and I felt like running. I have often felt frustrated at not finding my “purpose” in life. I have struggled at not having a “ministry” when so many others are serving God and others full-time. At times when I have struggled the most, God has brought different sisters to me to tell me that my job there is a ministry, that my ministry is there, that I belong there, that being an associate is in my heart.

The sisters see me and they love me. I do belong at that beautiful place they call “The Woods.” I love them. I love these women and would do anything for them. The thought of being transparent scares me. The thought of being “me” in front of the Sisters and the other associates terrifies me, but I won’t run. God has things to teach me here and I am going to stay put and continue to grow in this place of love. I am ready to be transparent. I am ready to be me. I belong in this place of love, mercy and justice.

Read Full Post »